Instant Prozac

OPEN: Shot of sad-looking WOMAN with a face full of bad.

ANNOUNCER: (OS) Say. Are you experiencing a sense of emptiness and despair? (she nods) Hey, who isn't? If you read the newspaper, it's the logical response.

INT LAB

Tracking shot of ANNOUNCER walking through clean white laboratory with busy SCIENTISTS in white coats doing important shit behind him.

ANNOUNCER: Prozac has been shown to relieve feelings of depression in many patients. But it can often take weeks, even months, before it takes effect. Can you afford to wait that long? Here at EnorMed --

SCIENTISTS: (shouting in unison) We don't want you to wait!

ANNOUNCER: No we don't! That's why our amazingly brainy research team has created new, fast-acting Prozap! With Prozap, you get all the benefits of Prozac and none of the wait. Prozap offers fast relief!

Title: FAST RELIEF!

ANNOUNCER: How fast? Let's try it out on an unhappy young man.

INT - BACKSTAGE AT NIRVANA CONCERT

AUDIO: Thunderously loud grunge music. The opening act.

The members of Nirvana are still backstage. KURT COBAIN is scowling and knocking stuff over.

The ANNOUNCER winks at us and plops a Prozap in an open beer bottle. Then he walks up to KURT COBAIN.

ANNOUNCER: Hey Kurt. Care for a beer?

COBAIN takes the beer and spits in his face and walks away.

ANNOUNCER: What an irrepressible young man.

Sound of beer bottle smashing. (OS)

ANNOUNCER: Let's check out the concert!

CONCERT --

COBAIN is singing "Rape me."

ANNOUNCER: Wow, he seems depressed. But watch what happens!

TITLE: Ten minutes later.

COBAIN is singing "It's a Sunshine Day" and dancing around like a grinning fool. The audience is showering him with bottles, chairs and debris, but he's insanely happy. DAVE GROHL throws down his drumsticks and walks away in disgust. So does the other guy. COBAIN's career is ruined.

ANNOUNCER: Ask your doctor about new, fast-acting Prozap. If it'll work on a grunge musician, it'll work on you!

Go to product shot:

FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Prozap, a product of Enormed Pharmaceutical Group. Available only by prescription. Use only as directed.

Fade out, standard disclaimer, etc.