Robo sez: "And don't trust the 'Ghosts of Mars' either. John Carpenter is back, more Carpenter than ever. If you want to see 'Assault on Precinct Thirteen' meets 'Dark Star' meets 'Species' meets 'The Thing' meets 'Road Warrior' meets 'Aliens' then dammit you will be glad you went."
OK. I'll take that as a challenge.
'The Thing' meets 'Road Warrior' meets 'Aliens' coming right up ...
* * *
EXT, MARS - NIGHT
EXT, MARS - NIGHT
Desolate Marscape. MAD MAX driving domed car on improbable asphalt road. Sitting next to him, ET.
MAD MAX wants to make time, natch. But the beloved little ET wants him to stop.
ET: ET pee-pee.
MAD MAX wants to make time, natch. But the beloved little ET wants him to stop.
ET: ET pee-pee.
MAD MAX: Piss off.
ET: Yes. ET piss off.
MAD MAX: I meant that in the sense of don't piss off.
ET: (pointing to crotch with glowing finger) Ouch.
MAD MAX: Aw, crikey.
ET: ET...VD.
MAD MAX: Spare me the details, mate. Christ. We'll stop at this ice cream stand.
MAD MAX pulls into a convenient X-TRO KONE, stops.
ET puts on breathing mask, runs out of car. Hold a beat. MAD MAX drives away.
MAD MAX: Cheeky little bugger. (looking at seat) Aw CHRIST...he leaked all over the fucking seat!
ET runs to bathroom doors labeled HIS, HERS, ITS, with man, woman and antenna-ed alien silhouettes respectively. ET runs into "ITS" door. Weird liquid noises. ET runs out. Looks around for MAD MAX. Shrugs. Goes up to window to buy ice cream. Takes a second to decide.
Quick flash of menu --
ROCKY ROBOT
FETID ICHOR FUNBAR!
CHEW-Z CRUNCH
RIPLEY RIPPLE
ET makes selection. Tentacle presents him with cone. ET walks away contentedly licking cone. Stops.
Confronted by enormous ALIEN BEACHBALL holding wicked-looking gun.
ET: (offering cone) Friend!
The ALIEN BEACHBALL shoots him in the face. ET falls in a puddle of gore. The BEACHBALL retrieves ice cream cone -- then hands it to the CHICK FROM SPECIES. We know her by voice only, as only her legs and the bottom half of her pregant belly are visible in frame. She takes the cone...
CHICK FROM SPECIES: Fetid Ichor? FETID ICHOR??? (having a hormonal flash) I SAID ROCKY ROBOT, YOU FUCKER!
She kicks him out of the frame.
EXT, EARTH COLONY POLICE STATION.
MAD MAX pulls into a convenient X-TRO KONE, stops.
ET puts on breathing mask, runs out of car. Hold a beat. MAD MAX drives away.
MAD MAX: Cheeky little bugger. (looking at seat) Aw CHRIST...he leaked all over the fucking seat!
ET runs to bathroom doors labeled HIS, HERS, ITS, with man, woman and antenna-ed alien silhouettes respectively. ET runs into "ITS" door. Weird liquid noises. ET runs out. Looks around for MAD MAX. Shrugs. Goes up to window to buy ice cream. Takes a second to decide.
Quick flash of menu --
ROCKY ROBOT
FETID ICHOR FUNBAR!
CHEW-Z CRUNCH
RIPLEY RIPPLE
ET makes selection. Tentacle presents him with cone. ET walks away contentedly licking cone. Stops.
Confronted by enormous ALIEN BEACHBALL holding wicked-looking gun.
ET: (offering cone) Friend!
The ALIEN BEACHBALL shoots him in the face. ET falls in a puddle of gore. The BEACHBALL retrieves ice cream cone -- then hands it to the CHICK FROM SPECIES. We know her by voice only, as only her legs and the bottom half of her pregant belly are visible in frame. She takes the cone...
CHICK FROM SPECIES: Fetid Ichor? FETID ICHOR??? (having a hormonal flash) I SAID ROCKY ROBOT, YOU FUCKER!
She kicks him out of the frame.
EXT, EARTH COLONY POLICE STATION.
We see flames, vague shapes of some horde. The POLICE STATION is under siege.
INT, POLICE STATION.
ICE CUBE: (looking out window) OK, motherfuckers. This shit's fucked up. This looks bad.
INT, POLICE STATION.
ICE CUBE: (looking out window) OK, motherfuckers. This shit's fucked up. This looks bad.
PAM GRIER: Honey, I can deal with bad...
ICE CUBE: This is bad raised to its own motherfucking power.
PAM GRIER: As bad as "Jackie Brown"...?
ICE CUBE: Worse than that.
PAM GRIER: Worse than "Jackie Brown"...!
ICE CUBE: Bitch, it's worse than that Steven Segal movie you did.
She gives him a dirty look.
Cut to MAD MAX at the wheel of his idling vehicle -- patiently stopped at a diamond-shaped yellow sign with silhouette indicating an alien-possessed HUSKY. The sign reads: CAUTION! ALIEN POSSESSED HUSKY CROSSING. An alien-possessed HUSKY crosses, SNAKE PLISSKEN's head in its jaws.
SNAKE'S HEAD: Max!
Cut to MAD MAX at the wheel of his idling vehicle -- patiently stopped at a diamond-shaped yellow sign with silhouette indicating an alien-possessed HUSKY. The sign reads: CAUTION! ALIEN POSSESSED HUSKY CROSSING. An alien-possessed HUSKY crosses, SNAKE PLISSKEN's head in its jaws.
SNAKE'S HEAD: Max!
MAX: Snake!
SNAKE'S HEAD: I guess that pretty much kills it for a third sequel.
MAX: Aw, whatthefuck. Gotta know when to quit, right?
SNAKE'S HEAD: Right, man. Later!
INT, POLICE STATION --
PAM GRIER: You're one cold motherfucker, you know that? So what's the situation? What's so damn bad about it?
INT, POLICE STATION --
PAM GRIER: You're one cold motherfucker, you know that? So what's the situation? What's so damn bad about it?
ICE CUBE: We surrounded by a gang of alien beachballs.
PAM GRIER: Alien beachballs?
ICE CUBE: Yeah. With sharp teeth. Looks like Marilyn Manson be charge of them motherfuckers.
MARILYN MANSON: (OS) There's no earthly way of knowing...
PAM GRIER: OK, that's bad.
ICE CUBE: And...
PAM GRIER: There's an "and"...?
ICE CUBE: 'Fraid so.
He looks out barred window. Hold a beat. ICE CUBE turns back to PAM GRIER.
ICE CUBE: They playing "El Deguello."
He looks out barred window. Hold a beat. ICE CUBE turns back to PAM GRIER.
ICE CUBE: They playing "El Deguello."
The BEACHBALLS burst through the door. ICE CUBE and PAM GRIER each grab a Big Fucking Gun (BFG for short) and start blasting away. Like the "Coms" on that old "Star Trek" episode, the BEACHBALLS just keep coming and coming. At the height of the carnage, DEAN MARTIN staggers into the room, a SHOWGIRL on either arm. He's holding a partially-consumed fifth of whiskey labelled "Best wishes, Michael Garibaldi"
DEAN: Got any ice?
Still blasting, ICE CUBE silently gestures to a small fridge. While the SHOWGIRLS mug for the camera, DEAN MARTIN walks over, removes ice, finds a glass, puts ice in glass, pours whiskey, drinks. He then goes to the barred window and looks down.
DEANO: (wincing) "El Deguello," huh? (shouting down) You cats know how to stay on key?
EXT, MARS
DEAN: Got any ice?
Still blasting, ICE CUBE silently gestures to a small fridge. While the SHOWGIRLS mug for the camera, DEAN MARTIN walks over, removes ice, finds a glass, puts ice in glass, pours whiskey, drinks. He then goes to the barred window and looks down.
DEANO: (wincing) "El Deguello," huh? (shouting down) You cats know how to stay on key?
EXT, MARS
MAD MAX, idling at another alien-crossing. He waits as more HUSKIES cross, followed by the BLOB, several GEIGER-ALIENS, the MARTIAN FLYING MACHINES from George Pal's "War of the Worlds," JOHN CARTER OF MARS, an ARMY OF ZOMBIES holding chainsaws labelled "PPTY GEO. ROMERO" and, lastly, ALICE COOPER and a hatless WILLY WONKA.
ALICE: Hey! You seen an army of Alien Beachballs?
ALICE: Hey! You seen an army of Alien Beachballs?
MAD MAX: Yeah, I reckon I did, mate. I thought it was a bloody convention. You like the main attraction or something?
ALICE: No. I'm their leader, man. We're gonna find Marilyn Manson and kill him.
MAD MAX: Stole your act?
ALICE: No. He stole my fucking eyeliner.
WILLY WONKA: Don't forget my hat!
ALICE: Where is the fucker?
MAD MAX: Back past the giant head aways. Turn left at the Sea of Dreams. Can't miss him.
ALICE: Thanks.
ALICE runs. WILLY WONKA follows.
INT, POLICE STATION.
ICE CUBE and PAM (each with BFGs) holding off endless stream of ALIEN BEACHBALLS coming towards them in a narrow hallway.
ICE CUBE: Damn this gets old. This shit's why I dropped out of High School in the first place.
ICE CUBE and PAM (each with BFGs) holding off endless stream of ALIEN BEACHBALLS coming towards them in a narrow hallway.
ICE CUBE: Damn this gets old. This shit's why I dropped out of High School in the first place.
PAM: Tell me about it.
ICE CUBE: (shouting) Could I get some ammunition here?
WALTER BRENNAN: (off-camera) I'm coming, I'm coming.
DEANO: And more ice for me.
WALTER BRENNAN: Keep your shirt on.
More carnage to the distant sounds of "El Deguello." Then a sudden silence. The folks in the POLICE STATION react, listen. Far, far away we hear JOHN WAYNE saying "Now you listen to me you alien sons of..." -- abruptly cut off and followed by the sound of eating. It gets loud again. More carnage.
Back to MAD MAX, driving along alone. He speaks to the camera.
MAD MAX; You know what I still don't get? Where's the ghosts, eh? I mean this is supposed to be the "Ghost of Mars," right? Where's the sodding...
Next to him in car --
GHOST: Right here.
WALTER BRENNAN: (off-camera) I'm coming, I'm coming.
DEANO: And more ice for me.
WALTER BRENNAN: Keep your shirt on.
More carnage to the distant sounds of "El Deguello." Then a sudden silence. The folks in the POLICE STATION react, listen. Far, far away we hear JOHN WAYNE saying "Now you listen to me you alien sons of..." -- abruptly cut off and followed by the sound of eating. It gets loud again. More carnage.
Back to MAD MAX, driving along alone. He speaks to the camera.
MAD MAX; You know what I still don't get? Where's the ghosts, eh? I mean this is supposed to be the "Ghost of Mars," right? Where's the sodding...
Next to him in car --
GHOST: Right here.
MAD MAX: Ahhhhhhhh! Who the bloody hell are you?
GHOST OF RAY BRADBURY: Ray Bradbury -- the noted science fiction writer of such...
MAD MAX: Yeah, yeah, I know who you are. What're you doing here, then?
BRADBURY'S GHOST: I'm doomed to wander the sands of Mars until a filmmaker makes an adaptation of one of my books... (long pause) that doesn't stink on ice.
Long silence.
MAD MAX: Good luck, mate.
INT, POLICE STATION.
ICE CUBE: It's quiet.
Long silence.
MAD MAX: Good luck, mate.
INT, POLICE STATION.
ICE CUBE: It's quiet.
PAM GRIER: Too quiet.
ICE CUBE: No, bitch. It ain't "too quiet." Why everybody fucking say that?
PAM GRIER: Hey, you need to back down.
ICE CUBE: How quiet is too quiet? How can you get any more quiet than quiet?
PAM GRIER: You coming at this all wrong.
ICE CUBE: Just on edge, is all. It's too damn quiet.
PAM GRIER: Kiss my black ass.
ICE CUBE: Where'd they all go?
DEANO: (still looking out window) Wouldja believe it? This is starting to spook me...
ICE CUBE: What are they doing?
DEANO: They're... (turning to camera with great significance) They're playing show tunes.
Cut to BEACHBALLS doing the da-da-da-da-da "When You're a Jet" number from "West Side Story." Lotsa spidery finger-popping and unlikely choreography.
Pan up into a starry black sky. Hold on diminutive Martian moons.
Between Deimos and Phobos, a distant SURFER passes.
DEANO: (still looking out window) Wouldja believe it? This is starting to spook me...
ICE CUBE: What are they doing?
DEANO: They're... (turning to camera with great significance) They're playing show tunes.
Cut to BEACHBALLS doing the da-da-da-da-da "When You're a Jet" number from "West Side Story." Lotsa spidery finger-popping and unlikely choreography.
Pan up into a starry black sky. Hold on diminutive Martian moons.
Between Deimos and Phobos, a distant SURFER passes.
Robo sez: "And don't trust the 'Ghosts of Mars' either. John Carpenter is back, more Carpenter than ever. If you want to see 'Assault on Precinct Thirteen' meets 'Dark Star' meets 'Species' meets 'The Thing' meets 'Road Warrior' meets 'Aliens' then dammit you will be glad you went."
OK. I'll take that as a challenge.
'The Thing' meets 'Road Warrior' meets 'Aliens' coming right up ...
* * *
EXT, MARS - NIGHT
EXT, MARS - NIGHT
Desolate Marscape. MAD MAX driving domed car on improbable asphalt road. Sitting next to him, ET.
MAD MAX wants to make time, natch. But the beloved little ET wants him to stop.
ET: ET pee-pee.
MAD MAX wants to make time, natch. But the beloved little ET wants him to stop.
ET: ET pee-pee.
MAD MAX: Piss off.
ET: Yes. ET piss off.
MAD MAX: I meant that in the sense of don't piss off.
ET: (pointing to crotch with glowing finger) Ouch.
MAD MAX: Aw, crikey.
ET: ET...VD.
MAD MAX: Spare me the details, mate. Christ. We'll stop at this ice cream stand.
MAD MAX pulls into a convenient X-TRO KONE, stops.
ET puts on breathing mask, runs out of car. Hold a beat. MAD MAX drives away.
MAD MAX: Cheeky little bugger. (looking at seat) Aw CHRIST...he leaked all over the fucking seat!
ET runs to bathroom doors labeled HIS, HERS, ITS, with man, woman and antenna-ed alien silhouettes respectively. ET runs into "ITS" door. Weird liquid noises. ET runs out. Looks around for MAD MAX. Shrugs. Goes up to window to buy ice cream. Takes a second to decide.
Quick flash of menu --
ROCKY ROBOT
FETID ICHOR FUNBAR!
CHEW-Z CRUNCH
RIPLEY RIPPLE
ET makes selection. Tentacle presents him with cone. ET walks away contentedly licking cone. Stops.
Confronted by enormous ALIEN BEACHBALL holding wicked-looking gun.
ET: (offering cone) Friend!
The ALIEN BEACHBALL shoots him in the face. ET falls in a puddle of gore. The BEACHBALL retrieves ice cream cone -- then hands it to the CHICK FROM SPECIES. We know her by voice only, as only her legs and the bottom half of her pregant belly are visible in frame. She takes the cone...
CHICK FROM SPECIES: Fetid Ichor? FETID ICHOR??? (having a hormonal flash) I SAID ROCKY ROBOT, YOU FUCKER!
She kicks him out of the frame.
EXT, EARTH COLONY POLICE STATION.
MAD MAX pulls into a convenient X-TRO KONE, stops.
ET puts on breathing mask, runs out of car. Hold a beat. MAD MAX drives away.
MAD MAX: Cheeky little bugger. (looking at seat) Aw CHRIST...he leaked all over the fucking seat!
ET runs to bathroom doors labeled HIS, HERS, ITS, with man, woman and antenna-ed alien silhouettes respectively. ET runs into "ITS" door. Weird liquid noises. ET runs out. Looks around for MAD MAX. Shrugs. Goes up to window to buy ice cream. Takes a second to decide.
Quick flash of menu --
ROCKY ROBOT
FETID ICHOR FUNBAR!
CHEW-Z CRUNCH
RIPLEY RIPPLE
ET makes selection. Tentacle presents him with cone. ET walks away contentedly licking cone. Stops.
Confronted by enormous ALIEN BEACHBALL holding wicked-looking gun.
ET: (offering cone) Friend!
The ALIEN BEACHBALL shoots him in the face. ET falls in a puddle of gore. The BEACHBALL retrieves ice cream cone -- then hands it to the CHICK FROM SPECIES. We know her by voice only, as only her legs and the bottom half of her pregant belly are visible in frame. She takes the cone...
CHICK FROM SPECIES: Fetid Ichor? FETID ICHOR??? (having a hormonal flash) I SAID ROCKY ROBOT, YOU FUCKER!
She kicks him out of the frame.
EXT, EARTH COLONY POLICE STATION.
We see flames, vague shapes of some horde. The POLICE STATION is under siege.
INT, POLICE STATION.
ICE CUBE: (looking out window) OK, motherfuckers. This shit's fucked up. This looks bad.
INT, POLICE STATION.
ICE CUBE: (looking out window) OK, motherfuckers. This shit's fucked up. This looks bad.
PAM GRIER: Honey, I can deal with bad...
ICE CUBE: This is bad raised to its own motherfucking power.
PAM GRIER: As bad as "Jackie Brown"...?
ICE CUBE: Worse than that.
PAM GRIER: Worse than "Jackie Brown"...!
ICE CUBE: Bitch, it's worse than that Steven Segal movie you did.
She gives him a dirty look.
Cut to MAD MAX at the wheel of his idling vehicle -- patiently stopped at a diamond-shaped yellow sign with silhouette indicating an alien-possessed HUSKY. The sign reads: CAUTION! ALIEN POSSESSED HUSKY CROSSING. An alien-possessed HUSKY crosses, SNAKE PLISSKEN's head in its jaws.
SNAKE'S HEAD: Max!
Cut to MAD MAX at the wheel of his idling vehicle -- patiently stopped at a diamond-shaped yellow sign with silhouette indicating an alien-possessed HUSKY. The sign reads: CAUTION! ALIEN POSSESSED HUSKY CROSSING. An alien-possessed HUSKY crosses, SNAKE PLISSKEN's head in its jaws.
SNAKE'S HEAD: Max!
MAX: Snake!
SNAKE'S HEAD: I guess that pretty much kills it for a third sequel.
MAX: Aw, whatthefuck. Gotta know when to quit, right?
SNAKE'S HEAD: Right, man. Later!
INT, POLICE STATION --
PAM GRIER: You're one cold motherfucker, you know that? So what's the situation? What's so damn bad about it?
INT, POLICE STATION --
PAM GRIER: You're one cold motherfucker, you know that? So what's the situation? What's so damn bad about it?
ICE CUBE: We surrounded by a gang of alien beachballs.
PAM GRIER: Alien beachballs?
ICE CUBE: Yeah. With sharp teeth. Looks like Marilyn Manson be charge of them motherfuckers.
MARILYN MANSON: (OS) There's no earthly way of knowing...
PAM GRIER: OK, that's bad.
ICE CUBE: And...
PAM GRIER: There's an "and"...?
ICE CUBE: 'Fraid so.
He looks out barred window. Hold a beat. ICE CUBE turns back to PAM GRIER.
ICE CUBE: They playing "El Deguello." Y'know, that motherfucking-we-gonna-cut-your-fucking-throat song from "Rio Bravo."
He looks out barred window. Hold a beat. ICE CUBE turns back to PAM GRIER.
ICE CUBE: They playing "El Deguello." Y'know, that motherfucking-we-gonna-cut-your-fucking-throat song from "Rio Bravo."
PAM GRIER: "Rio Bravo" ...?
ICE CUBE: Yeah. Old movie, you dig? That motherfucking Dean Martin western.
PAM GRIER: Dean Martin made a western?
ICE CUBE: Yeah. Walter Brennan be in it, too. Some teen idol. Forget his fucking name.
PAM GRIER: What's the plot?
ICE CUBE: Motherfuckers trapped in the Jailhouse, they be all surrounded by some other motherfuckers fixing to bust in and kill 'em.
PAM GRIER: Damn. You mean like "Assault on Precinct 13" ...?
ICE CUBE: I mean like John Carpenter's last ten movies.
The BEACHBALLS burst through the door. ICE CUBE and PAM GRIER each grab a Big Fucking Gun (BFG for short) and start blasting away. Like the "Coms" on that old "Star Trek" episode, the BEACHBALLS just keep coming and coming. At the height of the carnage, DEAN MARTIN staggers into the room, a SHOWGIRL on either arm. He's holding a partially-consumed fifth of whiskey labelled "Best wishes, Michael Garibaldi"
DEAN: Got any ice?
Still blasting, ICE CUBE silently gestures to a small fridge. While the SHOWGIRLS mug for the camera, DEAN MARTIN walks over, removes ice, finds a glass, puts ice in glass, pours whiskey, drinks. He then goes to the barred window and looks down.
DEANO: (wincing) "El Deguello," huh? (shouting down) You cats know how to stay on key?
EXT, MARS
DEAN: Got any ice?
Still blasting, ICE CUBE silently gestures to a small fridge. While the SHOWGIRLS mug for the camera, DEAN MARTIN walks over, removes ice, finds a glass, puts ice in glass, pours whiskey, drinks. He then goes to the barred window and looks down.
DEANO: (wincing) "El Deguello," huh? (shouting down) You cats know how to stay on key?
EXT, MARS
MAD MAX, idling at another alien-crossing. He waits as more HUSKIES cross, followed by the BLOB, several GEIGER-ALIENS, the MARTIAN FLYING MACHINES from George Pal's "War of the Worlds," JOHN CARTER OF MARS, an ARMY OF ZOMBIES holding chainsaws labelled "PPTY GEO. ROMERO" and, lastly, ALICE COOPER and a hatless WILLY WONKA.
ALICE: Hey! You seen an army of Alien Beachballs?
ALICE: Hey! You seen an army of Alien Beachballs?
MAD MAX: Yeah, I reckon I did, mate. I thought it was a bloody convention. You like the main attraction or something?
ALICE: No. I'm their leader, man. We're gonna find Marilyn Manson and kill him.
MAD MAX: Stole your act?
ALICE: No. He stole my fucking eyeliner.
WILLY WONKA: Don't forget my hat!
ALICE: Where is the fucker?
MAD MAX: Back past the giant head aways. Turn left at the Sea of Dreams. Can't miss him.
ALICE: Thanks.
ALICE runs. WILLY WONKA follows.
INT, POLICE STATION.
ICE CUBE and PAM (each with BFGs) holding off endless stream of ALIEN BEACHBALLS coming towards them in a narrow hallway.
ICE CUBE: Damn this gets old. This shit's why I dropped out of High School in the first place.
ICE CUBE and PAM (each with BFGs) holding off endless stream of ALIEN BEACHBALLS coming towards them in a narrow hallway.
ICE CUBE: Damn this gets old. This shit's why I dropped out of High School in the first place.
PAM: Tell me about it.
ICE CUBE: (shouting) Could I get some ammunition here?
WALTER BRENNAN: (off-camera) I'm coming, I'm coming.
DEANO: And more ice for me.
WALTER BRENNAN: Keep your shirt on.
More carnage to the distant sounds of "El Deguello." Then a sudden silence. The folks in the POLICE STATION react, listen. Far, far away we hear JOHN WAYNE saying "Now you listen to me you alien sons of..." -- abruptly cut off and followed by the sound of eating. It gets loud again. More carnage.
Back to MAD MAX, driving along alone. He speaks to the camera.
MAD MAX; You know what I still don't get? Where's the ghosts, eh? I mean this is supposed to be the "Ghost of Mars," right? Where's the sodding...
Next to him in car --
GHOST: Right here.
WALTER BRENNAN: (off-camera) I'm coming, I'm coming.
DEANO: And more ice for me.
WALTER BRENNAN: Keep your shirt on.
More carnage to the distant sounds of "El Deguello." Then a sudden silence. The folks in the POLICE STATION react, listen. Far, far away we hear JOHN WAYNE saying "Now you listen to me you alien sons of..." -- abruptly cut off and followed by the sound of eating. It gets loud again. More carnage.
Back to MAD MAX, driving along alone. He speaks to the camera.
MAD MAX; You know what I still don't get? Where's the ghosts, eh? I mean this is supposed to be the "Ghost of Mars," right? Where's the sodding...
Next to him in car --
GHOST: Right here.
MAD MAX: Ahhhhhhhh! Who the bloody hell are you?
GHOST OF RAY BRADBURY: Ray Bradbury -- the noted science fiction writer of such...
MAD MAX: Yeah, yeah, I know who you are. What're you doing here, then?
BRADBURY'S GHOST: I'm doomed to wander the sands of Mars until a filmmaker makes an adaptation of one of my books... (long pause) that doesn't stink on ice.
Long silence.
MAD MAX: Good luck, mate.
INT, POLICE STATION.
ICE CUBE: It's quiet.
Long silence.
MAD MAX: Good luck, mate.
INT, POLICE STATION.
ICE CUBE: It's quiet.
PAM GRIER: Too quiet.
ICE CUBE: No, bitch. It ain't "too quiet." Why everybody fucking say that?
PAM GRIER: Hey, you need to back down.
ICE CUBE: How quiet is too quiet? How can you get any more quiet than quiet?
PAM GRIER: You coming at this all wrong.
ICE CUBE: Just on edge, is all. It's too damn quiet.
PAM GRIER: Kiss my black ass.
ICE CUBE: Where'd they all go?
DEANO: (still looking out window) Wouldja believe it? This is starting to spook me...
ICE CUBE: What are they doing?
DEANO: They're... (turning to camera with great significance) They're playing show tunes.
Cut to BEACHBALLS doing the da-da-da-da-da "When You're a Jet" number from "West Side Story." Lotsa spidery finger-popping and unlikely choreography.
Pan up into a starry black sky. Hold on diminutive Martian moons.
Between Deimos and Phobos, a distant SURFER passes.
DEANO: (still looking out window) Wouldja believe it? This is starting to spook me...
ICE CUBE: What are they doing?
DEANO: They're... (turning to camera with great significance) They're playing show tunes.
Cut to BEACHBALLS doing the da-da-da-da-da "When You're a Jet" number from "West Side Story." Lotsa spidery finger-popping and unlikely choreography.
Pan up into a starry black sky. Hold on diminutive Martian moons.
Between Deimos and Phobos, a distant SURFER passes.
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