Online

(to the tune of Petula Clarke's Downtown)

When you're alone and you know you've got no life
You can always go - online
You're a fat pizza face with no social skills
But your zits won't show - online
Just listen to the parrot-screeching rhythm of the modem
Chicks are getting wet down there, dudes scratching at their scrotums
And there's no STDs

The fights are much louder there
You can say "Fuck your mother," and nobody cares
So go online, everyone's waiting there
Online - some masturbating there
Online - everyone's waiting for you