"Susanne" parody

(to the tune of Leonard Cohen's Susanne)

Susanne takes you down
to a conference with her lawyer
She hands you a subpoena
Life was hard, but now it's harder
And just when you mean to tell her
She can shove her damn subpoena
She says, "Listen Jack, you owe me
I will carve out every penny,
Every dime"

And she wants to take your money
And she wants to take your time
And you know that she's all crazy
And she thinks that you are rotten human slime

Susanne calls your girlfriend
And tells her you have herpes
She calls you at the office
Screaming "Fuck you" on the fax machine
So everyone can hear it
And the boss says
You will solve this, won't you Jack?

(refrain)

And you want to leave the country
And you want to lose your mind
But there's no nuthouse to go to
Only psychos in the alley
Besides which you have children
That you want to send to college
It's that time

(refrain)

Susanne took you down
When you were young and dumb and horny
You were married, then you broke up
Now she wants to pay you back for all that time
She's like something on Geraldo
Psycho stalking to kill Waldo
Like Simon in the Wayback
You just wish there was some way to undo time

And she wants to get her payback
And she wants to fuck your mind
She is calling, she is calling
And you'll pretend that she's not loony
One more time...