Old film footage. Black and white. Bad sound. A cornball barbershop quartet sings with a fake Irish accent. The tune is basically lifted from "Tooralooraloora," but slightly changed. They sing with feeling. Gushy feeling.
Melted plastic is injected in a cunning mold.
Once it's cooled, it's then inspected
Packed and shipped and sold.
Molded plastic, it’s fantastic,
Worth its weight in gold.
Mold-injected plastic ...
A wonder to behold!
It’s there in everything you see.
It’s there in all you do.
Mold-injected plastic
It’s like a friend so true!
"Plastics, lad," the wise man said--and it's still true today!
Our polymeric plastic land, the grand old USA
All you ages past of stone and copper
This is the Age of Plastic
So you all can kiss my ass!
It’s there in games and toys and guns.
It helps us fight the war.
Mold-injected plastic
Makes life worth living for!
These plastic treasures never rust or stain or chip away.
Your sturdy ice chest will survive
From now 'til Judgment Day!
From your child's platoon of army men,
To wife's dildo 'neath the bed,
Mold-injected plastic ...
Will be here when they're dead!
When Jesus Christ returns to earth
We know what He will do
His sandals will be neoprene
Sure, His white robe is plastic too!
This bizarre jingle is part of a longer series of sketches involving the JACK GETZ character, who works at an advertising agency. Their latest, biggest account, is the American Mold-Injected Plastics Manufacturers Association. Mr. P. Laydo, the crew-cutted, beefy head of the AMIPMA, plays this scratchy, black and film -- dating back to the early 1960s -- to the folks at the agency. (The more surreal verses involving Jesus Christ and dildos are in Jack's imagination as Jack nods off in sheer boredom.) Then, Jack snaps awake. Mr. P. Laydo is shouting, "Well, what did you think?" Before the creatives can answer, the beefy CEO says he wants to create a hip, new, "cutting-edge" image for mold-injected plastic that young folk can relate to -- you know, like that stuff on MTV. Can you do it? Well, sure. Jack's just the man for the job! Jack winds up creating a series of campaigns, ripping off James Bond, the Beastie Boys, Cyndi Lauper, pretty much any cultural detritus he can throw in the blender, including the "What would our world look like if all the mold-injected plastic disappeared?" bit that they already did on "Amazon Women on the Moon." it goes on for pages and pages. The guy hates Jack's stuff and, ultimately, goes back to the cornball barbershop quartet. Jack gets fired.
.jpg)