Saturday, April 30, 2005

"24" -- Season Five

Ariel shot of convertible snaking along on Pacific Ocean Highway. It drives cautiously, just under the speed limit, nothing to attract attention. Two men inside. RAOUL driving, DIMITRI in the passenger's seat.


DIMITRI : You have the device?

RAOUL: Yes. As you can see. (taps compact metallic case on the seat) The device is here.

DIMITRI: Yes. (taps forehead, smiles) And the codes are here. But we are of one mind. The Americans must pay for their arrogance! For their lies!

He grabs the case, opens it. Punches in numbers.

DIMITRI: Now the system is armed, my friend. All it needs now is the first target, but which one? New York? Miami? Chicago? Dallas. Decisions, decisions. How many years I have waited for this!

RAOUL: Please calm down.

DIMITRI: Why? "Star Wars" is mine. A network of orbiting lasers -- the true SDI, not the spin for the stupid public! Death from above, anytime, anywhere -- that was the idea! And it was a good idea and it was my idea and they stole it from me! 16 years of my life, Raoul. 16 years. I lost my family, lost everything. For what? For nothing! "We never built it," the politicians said. "Too costly, impractical." Lies!

RAOUL: It is a great injustice. We --

DIMITRI: (not stopping) "Oh, there are no death ray satellites in space." Lies! The satellites are up there, I know. I built them! I launched the rockets! It is all in place! But the Americans buried the truth and me along with it! Still they lie to this day. "Oh, the "Star Wars" system does not exist." But the Americans have the system!

RAOUL: No, my friend. (indicating) We have the system, remember?

DIMITRI: Then let us test it. (opening metallic case) The target we have agreed upon ...

A fuel tanker approaches.


A wide-eyed TRUCK DRIVER snorts a line of crystal meth on the dashboard, taking his eyes off the road. He hoovers, truck drifts over yellow line -- then hurtles into the sports car in a front-end collision. The impact slams the convertible against the railing. The truck follows, jackknifing, then exploding in a vast fire ball, instantly vaporizing convertible, DIMITRI, RAOUL, and the Star Wars control device. The whole flaming mess goes down the cliff-side.


He's asleep in bed. The phone on the night stand doesn't ring.

The CLOCK effect comes up. 1:21 AM.

Through the rest of the season, we intercut between JACK sleeping and bored analysts at CTU with nothing to do for the next 24 hours.

Friday, April 29, 2005

A Clockwork Cookie


Pull back from COOKIE MONSTER wearing a bowler hat. He's surrounded by various Muppet Droogs. COOKIE MONSTER lifts a glass of milk and salutes the camera.

COOKIE MONSTER: Hello, camera! There me, Cookie Monster, and me three Muppet Droogs, Kermit, Fozzie and Oscar. We drink milk and eat cookies!

COOKIE MONSTER buries face in plate of cookies.

COOKIE MONSTER: Angghh! Angghhhh! Cookie good!

OSCAR: How do we eat, anyway? We don’t even have digestive tracts.

COOKIE MONSTER Me bored! Let’s go kick Mister Rogers' ass!


COOKIE MONSTER and his Droogs stride in. Confront MISTER ROGERS and his Puppets.

MISTER ROGERS: Hello neighbor. Didja bring me a cookie?

COOKIE MONSTER: (grabs crotch) Me have cookie right here!

MISTER ROGERS: Let’s get ‘em, neighbors!

HENRIETTA PUSSYCAT: Faster, faster pussycat! Meow, meow, kill!

The Muppets charge MISTER ROGERS and his Puppets. The Muppets beat the Puppets senseless. KERMIT bashes MISTER ROGERS' legs with a rubber duckie.

KERMIT: Rubber duckie, you’re for me. You will break Mister Rogers' knees. I’m so awfully glad I filled you up with lead.

MISTER ROGERS: Ow. That really hurts, neighbor.

OS: Sound of police siren.

COOKIE MONSTER: Agghh! Run! Me hear police!

OSCAR: So how do we run? We don’t even have legs.

COOKIE MONSTER: You have negative attitude. Run!

COOKIE MONSTER: (OS) Me wind up in jail. Big cookie hangover. Cookie Monster not know there was a Sesame Street Jail! Me sleep it off there.


COOKIE MONSTER wakes up in a disgusting pile of cookie crumbs.

CARL SAGAN: A fine example for the children, yes?

COP: He wouldn't know a vegetable if it bit him, sir.

CARL SAGAN: Well, Cookie Monster. This is the end of the line, yes? The end of the line.

COOKIE MONSTER: Wow! Carl Sagan! (to us) In TeeVee Land, he not dead. What going on?

CARL SAGAN: We're going to reeducate you, Cookie Monster.

COOKIE MONSTER: That impossible! Me no educated in first place!

CARL SAGAN: Fine. Then we'll educate you.


CARL SAGAN: We're going to show you some movies.

COOKIE MONSTER: Me like movies!

COOKIE MONSTER: (OS) But me no like these movies.


Cookie Monster is strapped to a chair, his eyelids propped open. A dude in a white lab coat is dripping fluid in his eyes.

COOKIE MONSTER: When show start?

VOICE: (OS) Shhhh. No talking in the theater.

COOKIE MONSTER: Me only one here!

COOKIE MONSTER: (OS) Then show start. It movie about cookies. Many many drippy cookies. Like cookie porno!

COOKIE MONSTER: Cookie! Cookie! Me like cookies!

CHOIR: (OS) C is for cookie, that's good enough for me.

COOKIE MONSTER: That good enough for Cookie Monster! Me like cookies.

CARL SAGAN: Not for long.

COOKIE MONSTER: (OS) Me start to feel sick.

COOKIE MONSTER: Belch! Oh no. What wrong?

CARL SAGAN: Cookies are bad for you, Cookie Monster.

COOKIE MONSTER: No! Cookies good!

CARL SAGAN: No. They're full of trans-fatty acids and so forth. They lead to childhood obesity, Cookie Monster. To childhood diabetes. More importantly, they lead to billions and billions of lawsuits.

COOKIE MONSTER: Me feel sick!

CARL SAGAN: "C is for carrot." Say it.

COOKIE MONSTER: No! Me Cookie Monster! Children love Cookie Monster!

CARL SAGAN: Yes, and the little children imitate you, don't they? Yes. They follow your example and stuff their faces. Henceforth you shall be Cookie Monster in name only, yes? Vegetables you shall strive for. Healthy snacks.


CARL SAGAN: What’s all this talk about sin?

COOKIE MONSTER: Me sin! Me see light! Me see eating cookie very very bad. Cookie Monster role model for many little children. Me repent now! Me saved!

CARL SAGAN: That's not very scientific, Cookie Monster. Trust us. Two weeks from now, you'll be a changed monster. You'll be cured, my friend.


COOKIE MONSTER: (OS) Me testify in Congress!

COOKIE MONSTER: Me no like cookies. Me like vegetables. Me like carrots and broccoli and asparagus.

CONGRESSMAN: So, if I were to offer you a cookie, you wouldn't want it?

CONGRESSMAN offers him cookie.

COOKIE MONSTER: No. Agghhh, who me kidding? Cookie! (eats cookie)

COOKIE MONSTER: (OS) Me cured, all right.