Sunday, November 5, 1995

Windows 95 Song

If you start me up
Then your misery will never stop
If you start me up
I'll eat system resources up
Your CPU be running hot
Before too long your hard drive's shot
If you start me up
You'll see the blue screen of death!

I'm Windows 95!
I'll make a grown man cry!

My GUI, looks like a Mac
The code inside -- it's a fucking heart attack!

Call in your tech, that pimpled teen
To pump more life in your 10-months-old machine
Start me up!
Before too long I'll fuck you up!
You'll need more ram, a bigger drive
The card's incompatible
Old programs don't survive!

I'm Windows 95
Don't ask the help line why!

Your eyes dilate, your lips go green
Whip out your credit card
I killed your '94 machine!

Start me up!
If you start me up
I'll cost you every cent you got
Your bills will never stop
Never, never
You'll just keep paying up!
My box is shiny, and all shrink-wrapped
Load up those discs and your life will turn to crap!

I'm Windows 95
I'll make your system die!

Crash like a brick, wipe out your files
You'll get more viruses than Nixon's ass got piles!
Start me up
Best buy a Pentium -- but it ain't enough!
Abort, retry or fail?
Abort retry or ...
Fail! Fail! Fail! Fail!

I'm Windows 95
I'll make a grown man cry
I'll make old Steve Jobs laugh
And IT consultants rich!
Don't do no good to bitch
You gotta scratch that itch!

Wednesday, November 1, 1995

No sex in the Simpsons

(to the tune of Bush's Everything Zen)

Matt Groening did "Life in Hell"
For $50 a week
He found a mainstream concept
And gave it a tweak

There's a fat slob dad
And an overworked mom
Two bratty kids and a baby
And an asshole boss

Crusty was a clown
I don't think so
You can't bring him down
Although they've tried

There's no sex in The Simpsons
It's just implied
You never see Homer do it
With his cartoon bride


Last verse missing