Tuesday, February 25, 1992

Attack of the Science Fiction Movie


Mariner 4 orbits, a light blinking. It crosses the terminator into darkness.

A light appears on the surface of Mars. Then fades.

Ominous Theremin music.


A FARMER looks out of his window at his barn. There’s a light inside. The cows are mooing madly.

FARMER: Goldurn kids!

Gets out of bed, grabs a shotgun.

FARMER: I’ll teach those dang punks to mess with my cows!


FARMER enters the barn. A hideous, gelatinous creature absorbs him.


More jellyfish-like blobs fall from the sky. Small at first. They ooze away like inchworms in all directions.


A proud MOM pushes baby carriage. GRANNY comes up to it.

GRANNY: Oh -- are you hiding your cute little baby? May I see? (lifts blanket)

A gelatinous bob leaps out of the baby carriage and eats GRANNY. MOM runs screaming.


KID hawking newspaper

KID: Extra! Extra! Nothing to fear!

A pseudopod shoots out of the sewer opening below him and drags him down inside.


A circle of cars looking down on a valley below. Big full moon. A car drives in, two teenagers inside.

ROY: Come on, Eve. Gimme some sugar.

ROY puts his arm around her. EVE pushes him away.

EVE: Knock it off, Roy!

ROY: Dang it Eve!

She runs out of the car, weeping. ROY looks around.

ROY: Hey. How come all the other cars is empty?

A gelatinous blob in the back seat eats him.


EVE runs into her home, weeping.

JACK: What’s wrong, sis? It’s that jerk Roy, huh? Did he put his paws on you?

EVE: He didn’t get a chance.

JACK: I’ll knock his block off!

EVE: No. It’s just adolescent hormones. That wouldn’t be rational.

OLD PROFESSOR: (OS) Spoken like a true scientist’s daughter.

They look up. He stands there, amused, puffing a pipe.

OLD PROFESSOR: Say, Eve. Speaking of which, I might need you at the Institute tonight. I'll let you hold my clipboard!

EVE: Wow! I'll hold your clipboard anytime!

JACK: What's going on?

OLD PROFESSOR: Well, son. We're still trying to figure out what. Sorta dropped on us from the sky, you might say. But something's up.

EVE: Something bad?

OLD PROFESSOR: No. Mighty interesting, you might say! If you like science, that is.

EVE: I sure do!

We hear a loud thumping sound.

JACK: Gee. Sounds like something in the basement. I better go down there all by myself and investigate.

OLD PROFESSOR: You better take this flashlight.

JACK: Thanks, dad.


Two SCIENTISTS at work. SCIENTIST #1 is the OLD PROFESSOR. EVE, now wearing a white lab coat, stands in the background holding a clipboard.

SCIENTIST #1 peers into a microscope.

SCIENTIST #2: Is it alive?

SCIENTIST #1: Yes and no. I don’t know. If it is, it isn’t life as we know it. I’ve never seen anything like it. In fact…I have a strange sensation it’s seeing me.

A pseudopod shoots out of the microscope eye piece and absorbs him.

EVE: Dad!

SCIENTIST #1: Sav -- (blob completely absorbs him) Mmblblbl.

EVE: What did you say?


EVE: I can't understand you!

SCIENTIST #1: Save yourself. I think he said "Save yourself."

SCIENTIST #2: Mmmbl! Mmmbblbl!

EVE: Dad?

Screams and sounds of destruction. (OS)

SCIENTIST #2: We've got to get out of here!

They run down the hallway. Blobs are attacking the Institute.

SCIENTIST #2: Come on! They're everywhere!

Still running down the hallway. Blobs are behind them. EVE sprains her ankle and drops her clipboard.

EVE: The clipboard!

SCIENTIST #2: Forget the clipboard!

EVE: I can't move!

He runs back for her. Eve's sprawled helplessly, in a pulp fiction pose. The blobs get closer and closer.

SCIENTIST #1: Mmppmmplmp!

SCIENTIST #2: I will, sir!

SCIENTIST #1: Mmppmmplmp!

SCIENTIST #2: You have my word, sir!

SCIENTIST #2 picks her up and runs with her at the last possible second.

EVE: Oh, Dad. Dad. (weeping)

SCIENTIST #2: There'll be time to cry, later.

EVE: Who are you?

SCIENTIST #2: I'm --

There's a loud explosion.


A determined PREACHER holding a Bible walks up to a blob.

PREACHER: Yea. Though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I shall fear no ee-vil. Hi there! I’m Pastor Bob. Have you accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal savior?

The blob seems to think about it.

Then shoots out a pseudopod and absorbs him.

His Bible falls. We hear screams OS.


Two SCIENTISTS in white lab coats walk. Their footsteps echo.

SCIENTIST #3: I guess we're the lucky ones. We made it.

SCIENTIST #2: Not all of us did ... poor kid. If those things got into the Institute --

SCIENTIST #3: We’re two miles underground and sealed off by steel doors. The steel is ten feet thick! We should be safe here.

SCIENTIST #2: God willing.

SCIENTIST #3 What do we know about these things?

SCIENTIST #2: Only one thing. They can strike at any time.

A blob leaps down from the ceiling and eats SCIENTIST #3. SCIENTIST #2 runs. Various alarms go off.


GENERAL: I demand full authority, Mr. President. We must do something to stop these creatures!

PRESIDENT: You got it. Give em' hell, General!

GENERAL: Yes, sir! (salutes)


A phalanx of blobs advances. Tanks shoot the blobs; planes drop bombs on them. Then, finally, an H-Bomb. There’s a vast, mushroom cloud explosion. The devastation finally settles, revealing -- the blobs, unharmed. They continue to advance.

GENERAL: Atomic radiation has no effect! Retreat, men. Retreat!

A blob absorbs him.


EVE runs, weeping, looking at scenes of death and destruction. Her blouse is torn and, for some reason wet. For some other reason, she's not wearing a bra. She sees a rowboat by a river. Starts to walk towards it.

Suddenly – a blob cuts off her path.

EVE: Oh God!

SCIENTIST #2 appears.

SCIENTIST #2: Stand back!

SCIENTIST #2 grabs an oar from the boat and battles the blob. EVE screams. At the last minute, MICHAEL RENNIE appears in a shoulder-padded Mylar suit and zaps the blob with a raygun.

MICHAEL RENNIE: Do not be afraid, my children. Come with me and you shall live.

A shimmering sphere appears around him.

MICHAEL RENNIE: Enter. Quickly! Molecular solidification has begun.

EVE and SCIENTIST #2 enter. The sphere is now solid glass. It rises up into the sky.

SCIENTIST #2: Those blobs … What are those things?

MICHAEL RENNIE: Guardians of peace. The technology is beyond you.

SCIENTIST #2: What’s keeping us up?

MICHAEL RENNIE: Your primitive minds cannot understand.

SCIENTIST #2: Who are you?

MICHAEL RENNIE: You cannot pronounce my name.

SCIENTIST #2: What – never mind.

MICHAEL RENNIE: (closes his eyes) A telepathic message. I fear it has begun.

The sphere flies into space.


Montage of streets in various cities. An insectoid face appears on every TV set, the monitors in Times Square and Tokyo, etc. In a booming, metallic voice, the ALIEN gives the assembled crowds a warning.

ALIEN: Inhabitants of Earth. We of the planet Mars give you this warning. For millennia, we have monitored your world. We have found your species to be hostile and warlike. You are technological adults, but moral and ethical infants. You must be quarantined! Do what you will with Earth, but come to Mars and be destroyed!

SLOB: (watching TV set in shop window) Mars. He mean like the candy bar?

SOME OTHER GUY: No, the planet, stupid.

SLOB: Say, didn’t we just crash that thing on Mars?

ALIEN: Exactly.

More blobs drop down from the sky and start eating everyone.

SLOB: Christ, you stupid alien! You give the warning first! Then you kill people! That’s the way it works!

ALIEN: Sorry.


The sphere lands on an idyllic planet, as green as a golf course, kinda Eden-like. A bunny hops into view and smiles at the camera. MICHAEL RENNIE and the humans emerge from the sphere.

MICHAEL RENNIE: I am allowed to save only two of your kind. You will be safe here.

SCIENTIST #2: But those creatures --

MICHAEL RENNIE: Do not fear. The Guardians should not appear on this world. If they do, remember. They have only one weakness. (hands SCIENTIST #2 an oar) Wood.

SCIENTIST #2: (takes it) Thanks.

MICHAEL RENNIE: This shall be your new home, children of earth. Repopulate. Teach your children the ways of peace.

The sphere solidifies around MICHAEL RENNIE again. He flies away like Glinda the Good.

Alone now, the two surviving humans study each other.

SCIENTIST #2 What’s your name?

EVE: Eve. Yours?


They embrace passionately.

Music swells. Fade out.

[Above is a reconstruction of a lost comic book inked in 1974 - MF]