Monday, September 4, 2000

I want Ghandi

(to the tune of Bow Wow Wow's cover of "I Want Candy")

Ghandi came to India
Wearing just an old loin cloth
Told the people to resist
Really pissed the British off

I want Ghandi, I want Ghandi

Gotta see him at the spinning wheel
He’s got skills like so unreal
Spun a sweater for my cat
Made my mom a bitchin’ hat

I want Ghandi, I want Ghandi

Ghandi went on a big long fast
Before too long he had no ass
What a guy, like he’s so great
He taught me how to lose some weight

I want Ghandi, I want Ghandi
I want Ghandi, I want Ghandi

Saturday, September 2, 2000

Bugger Off!

An oily PRIEST glides up to a young ACOLYTE reading the Bible.

PRIEST: Ah, the Good Book.

Puts hand on the kids shoulder.

PRIEST: God is love, my son.

ACOLYTE: Yes, Father.

PRIEST: You know, lad, there are many kinds of love.

ACOLYTE: Y-yes, Father.

PRIEST: The love of God. Brotherly love.

ACOLYTE: As you say, Father.

PRIEST: The love between a man and a woman.

ACOLYTE: Yeah ...

PRIEST: There is another kind of love ...


Squeezes the
ACOLYTE's shoulder.

PRIEST: The love between a Priest. And his Acolyte.

Big squeeze.

PRIEST: What do you say to that, my son?

ACOLYTE: Bugger off, Father.

The ACOLYTE whips out a can of Bugger Off! and sprays the PRIEST. The PRIEST screams, falls on his back and starts flailing his arms and legs.

ACOLYTE: (holding up can of Bugger Off!) New Bugger Off! Repels unwanted Priests for a distance of up to 50 yards. Bugger Off! Don't go to church without it!

ANNOUNCER: (OS) Bugger Off! By the makers of Piss Off! and Sod Off!