Monday, February 15, 1999

Cursed Unlucky Charms


Two CHILDREN chase a LEPRECHAUN, who's holding a cereal box. A FAT BOY watches them in horror.

BOY: Catch that leprechaun! He's got Lucky Charms!

FAT BOY: Are you out of your fucking minds? That's the evil leprechaun. Those are Cursed Unlucky Charms!

LEPRECHAUN: Ah, the little shites. Always after me Cursed Unlucky Charms.

FAT BOY slaps the other BOY. The little GIRL looks on stupidly.


FAT BOY: Run!

BOY: You mean after him?

GIRL: That's what we were doing!

FAT BOY: No, you stupid bimbo! Not after him! Away from him! As far as you can get!

They stand there stupidly.

FAT BOY: Run, you morons! That leprechaun's a killer! Run for your fucking lives! Just look at him!

The kids look. The LEPRECHAUN gestures over the cereal box. Evil charms telekinetically fly out.

LEPRECHAUN: Orange skulls. Green daggers. Red severed hearts. Hands of glory!

A corpse hand flies out with flaming fingers.

GIRL: Oh my God ...

FAT BOY: Get the fucking picture? Run!

They run.

LEPRECHAUN: It's all part of me complete breakfast!

The children run.


GIRL: I don't see him.

BOY: I think we got away.

FAT BOY: That's what they always think! Keep running! For the love of God keep running!

LEPRECHAUN: The last sodding breakfast they'll ever eat. I'll do them up a treat.

The children keep running.

LEPRECHAUN: I'll make a rainbow!

He gestures. A rainbow appears, arcing up from the earth.

FAT BOY: Run! Don't stop.

INT - AIRPLANE COCKPIT - 747

PILOT: This is Delta Niner Four on approach vector.

COPILOT: What the --

The cockpit floods with impossible, multicolored brightness.

PILOT: Mayday! Mayday--

The rainbow sheers into the cockpit, slicing off the front section of the plane like a giant razor. The cockpit flies off in one direction. The rest of the severed 747 plummets in a vicious spiral, its passengers screaming.

FAT BOY: Run!

BOY: I really think we're safe now--

The plane hits the fleeing children, burning them alive in an enormous fireball.


LEPRECHAUN: (watching the horrific scene with malignant glee) Cursed Unlucky Charms. They're tragically malicious!