Monday, February 15, 1999

Cursed Unlucky Charms

Two children chase a LEPRECHAUN holding a ceral box. A FAT KID watches the other kids in horror.

BOY: Catch that leprechaun! He's got Lucky Charms!

FAT KID: Are you out of your fucking minds? That's the evil leprechaun. Those are Cursed Unlucky Charms.

LEPRECHAUN: Ah, the little shites. Always after me Cursed Unlucky Charms.

FAT KID slaps the other kid. The little GIRL looks on stupidly.


BOY: You mean after him?

GIRL: That's what we were doing!

FAT KID: No, you stupid bimbo! Not after him! Away from him! As far as you can get!

They stand there stupidly.

FAT KID: Run! He's a killer! Run for your fucking lives!

They look. The LEPRECHAUN gestures over the ceral box. Evil charms telekinetically fly out.

LEPRECHAUN: Orange skulls; Green daggers; Red severed hearts. Hands of glory!

A corpse hand flies out with lit fingers.

GIRL: Oh my God ...

FAT KID: Get the fucking picture? Run!

They run.

LEPRECHAUN: It's all part of this complete breakfast!

The children run.

GIRL: I don't see him.

BOY: I think we got away.

FAT KID: That's what they always think! Keep running! For the love of God keep running!

LEPRACHAUN: The last sodding breakfast they'll ever eat. I'll do them up a treat.

The children run.

LEPRECHAUN: I'll make a rainbow.

He gestures. A rainbow appears, arcing up from the earth.

FAT KID: Run! Don't stop.


PILOT: This is Delta Niner Four on approach vector.

COPILOT: What the --

The cockpit floods with impossible, multicolored brightness.

PILOT: Mayday! Mayday--

The rainbow sheers into the cockpit, slicing it off like a giant razor. The 747 plummets in a vicious spiral, the passengers screaming.


BOY: I really think we're safe now--

The plane hits the fleeing children, burning them alive in an enormous fireball.

LEPRECHAUN: (watching the horrific scene with malignant glee) Cursed Unlucky Charms. They're tragically malicious!