Wednesday, September 29, 2004


ANNOUNCER: You're hungry! You wanna eat, and you wanna eat now! But some restaurants make you wait ...



Man waiting impatiently at table.

JOE BLOW: I could eat a freaking horse! I can’t wait for waiters!


Man waiting at serving line.

JOE SHMOE: Agghh! This line is taking forever!


Woman at table, frowning at a plate of food.

JANE ROE: I'm starving! Who has time for plates?

ANNOUNCER: Who indeed? Hey! Stop waiting, people! Come on down to Troughs! There's no waiting at Troughs! Just plenty of food, and lots of it!


A giant restaurant with four giant troughs. An endless stream of food emerges into the troughs. People, on their hands and knees, stick their faces in the troughs and eat.

JANE ROE: Wow! The food just keeps on coming!

ANNOUNCER: You said a mouthful, sister. That's the Troughs! difference. No waiters! No waiting! No plates!

JOE BLOW: (lifting head up from the swill) Hey, what's the catch?

ANNOUNCER: There's no catch!

JOE BLOW: Come on! How much can I eat?

ANNOUNCER: As much as you want! Other restaurants say, "All you can eat." At Troughs!, we mean it! You can eat all you want!

Jane grabs for a chunk of meat in the trough.

ANNOUNCER: Ah, ah, ah. Haven't you heard the jingle?

JANE: The jingle?

ANNOUNCER: Yeah, dumbass. The jingle.

JINGLE: (Andrews Sisters-type harmony) You can eat all you want! But you can't use your hands!

ANNOUNCER: That's the Troughs! difference. Come on down to Troughs! (beat) God, I hate myself, but I need the money. I used to do Shakespeare now I'm doing this ... Hey, they pay me a lot of money to do this shit. I'm going to drink myself into a stupor tonight. You're not recording this, are you?