Wednesday, March 29, 2017

The Book of McGenesis

The LORD God commanded Ronald, saying, From any delicious item on our menu you may eat freely; but from the Baked Apple Pie you shall not eat, for it is past its expiration date, and you will surely hurl.

Now the King of Burgers was more crafty than any of the burger mascots the LORD God had made. He said to the McWoman, “Did God happen to mention the specific Baked Apple Pie he was talking about? He's obviously not putting a curse on every last Baked Apple Pie there is‚ just the old pies going bad. But how old does the pie have to be? See, I’m thinking that 'expiration date' thing is more of a suggestion. Like, if the Baked Apple Pie has mold growing on it, don’t eat it. Use your common sense. Or your uncommon sense. And I know you weren’t shortchanged in that department. Or any department, baby. You ask me, a McWoman like you is a rare combination of brains and beauty. Now, maybe I’m talking out of turn… But I don’t think Ronald appreciates you. Or You-Know-Who. But I do. You are definitely the hottest item to be found under these golden arches, and I’m the King of Burgers, and I should know. Now, here's my tempting suggestion, if I may be so bold. Let's just put that Baked Apple Pie on my tab. Sweets for the sweet, you dig what I’m saying? It ain’t gonna kill you.”