Bugger Off!

INT, CATHOLIC CHURCH - DAY
An oily PRIEST glides up to a young ACOLYTE reading the Bible.

PRIEST: Ah, the Good Book.

Puts hand on the kids shoulder.

PRIEST: God is love, my son.

ACOLYTE: Yes, Father.

PRIEST: You know, lad, there are many kinds of love.

ACOLYTE: Y-yes, Father.

PRIEST: The love of God. Brotherly love.

ACOLYTE: As you say, Father.

PRIEST: The love between a man and a woman.

ACOLYTE: Yeah ...

PRIEST: There is another kind of love ...

ACOLYTE: OK.

Squeezes the ACOLYTE's shoulder.

PRIEST: The love between a Priest. And his Acolyte.

Big squeeze.

PRIEST: What do you say to that, my son?

ACOLYTE: Bugger off, Father.

The ACOLYTE whips out a can of Bugger Off! and sprays the PRIEST. The PRIEST screams, falls on his back and starts flailing his arms and legs.

ACOLYTE: (holding up can of Bugger Off!) New Bugger Off! Repels unwanted Priests for a distance of up to 50 yards. Bugger Off! Don't go to church without it!

ANNOUNCER: (OS) Bugger Off! By the makers of Piss Off! and Sod Off!