Online!

(to the tune of Petula Clark's "Downtown")

When you're alone and you know you've got no life
You can always go - online
If you're in your 30s and still live with your parents
You can always go - online
Just listen to the parrot-screeching rhythm of the modem
Chicks are getting wet down there, dudes scratching at their scrotums
And there's no STDs

The fights are much louder there
You can say "Fuck your mother" and nobody cares
So go online, everyone's waiting there
Online - some masturbating there
Online - everyone's waiting for you