Foul Stench

An alternate scene from the original Star Wars ...

INT. DEATH STAR - CONTROL ROOM

Admiral Motti enters the quite control room and bows before Governor Tarkin, who stands before the huge wall screen displaying a small, green planet.

Motti: We've entered the Alderaan system.

Vader and two stormtroopers enter with Princess Leia. Her hands are bound.

Princess Leia: Governor Tarkin. I should have expected to find you holding Vader's leash. I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board.

Tarkin: Foul stench? Seriously? You recognized it?

Princess Leia: Governor --

Tarkin: How about this? (cuts one) Recognize that?

Vader, Leia, Motti all react.

Leia: Gahhhhhh.

Vader: Apparently, something has died inside your ass!

Tarkin: How about this? (another loud fart) Does that one ring a bell?

Princess Leia: Stop it!

Tarkin: (sniffs) Why, that smells like Tarkin! I love the smell of Tarkin in the morning!

Another prolonged blast of methane. The lights flutter, go off. The death ray shuts down.

Vader: Damn it, Tarkin -- you blew out the Death Star electrical system! It's highly sensitive to methane, you idiot.

A stormtrooper enters.

Stormtrooper: Hey. Let’s get some light in here.

He lights a match. The Death Star explodes.