Thursday, September 13, 2001

And the laff just never stop!

Hey, is everybody in the mood to escape and just feel good tonight?


There’s no escape, no Seinfeld-esque observational comedy. I’d feel like an asshole -- “Hey, what’s up with those tags under chairs saying ‘Do not remove under penalty of law?’ First, what’s the law? Second, how would they know, hahaha.” It’s like cracking jokes when the Hindenberg’s going down, “Is that a blimp or a zeppelin or what?” No.

All I can think about is the towers, so we’re going to talk about the towers.

I’m sorry, that’s probably the last thing you want to think about. but the images keep going through my mind -- like that scene with the guts spilling out of that guy in Catch-22, over and over...sorry....

OK, now that I’ve got everybody in a good mood (announcer voice) Tonight, here’s comedian Jack Getz with the lighter side of mass murder!

I think Sam Kinison said it best...


I paraphrase.

I mean they thought they were going to paradise -- like God’s ordered ‘em to kill! Like God’s like Charlie Manson in the sky sending ‘em out on a killing spree. “I know Terry Melcher’s in one of those fucking buildings -- he wouldn’t give me a fucking record deal!” They thought there’d be chicks, like heaven’s the fucking Playboy Mansion, or for some of ‘em more like Neverland Ranch. You kill thousands of people then -- BING! -- “Here we are in paradise!”

Imagine the surprise.

One second, the Terrorists are looking out the cockpit window at an extreme fucking close-up of a skyscraper coming at ‘em at 300 mph. The next second -- DING! --

DEMON: (with voice of Franklin Pangborn) Welcome to Hell Hotel! We’ve been expecting you!

They’re looking around at all these flames and shit. People are screaming in the background. Little demons are running around with pitchforks. Something is deeply wrong. It’s messing up their whole theology...

TERRORIST: There must be some mistake. We have a reservation in paradise.

DEMON: No, there’s been no mistake.

TERRORIST: There are supposed to be women.

DEMON: No women for you, but we do have an excellent view of the lake of fire. (hits bell on front desk -- DING!) Front!

A nasty-looking demon bellboy appears.

DEMON: Show these gentlemen to their rooms...

TERRORIST: No, please check your register, ahhhhhhhhhh.

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