Friday, November 12, 2004

David Milch presents: The Traveling Wilburys

In 1985, four music legends banded together. The legends were George Harrison, Bob Dylan, Ray Orbison and Tom Petty. The band was The Traveling Wilburys. Sadly, no footage survives from their rehearsal sessions. David Milch, the creator of HBO's "Deadwood," imagines what their unique, creative collaboration must have been like.

The lads are sitting around, all giving the stink eye to a defiant Bob Dylan, who stands, arms folded. George, Ray and Tom don't look too happy. Whatever just came out of Bob's mouth has clearly pissed them off.

George Harrison: What do you mean you ride by on a bicycle?

Bob Dylan: You heard what I said. At the end of the video, I ride by on a bicycle.

George: That sort of implies you're better than us. Set apart, as may be.

Bob: Who the fuck are you?

George: I'm a Beatle.

Bob: I'm an aphid.

George: The band, mate.

Bob: Oh, the band. Yeah, the British invasion. That whole scene. I vaguely remember. Right. OK. There's the cute one, the rebel and the ugly drummer with rings. You're the other one. The one nobody remembers.

George: Hey ...

Bob: Oh, OK. You sucked Maharishi's cock or something.

George: I played the sitar. Cock-sucking was never involved.

Bob: You say so. John played the ... It's a goddamn banjo from India. It's not that fucking hard.

George: I think you're a bitter person.

Bob: I think ... (turning head - to Roy Orbison) You just fart or something?

Roy Orbison: No. Well, maybe.

Bob: Goddamn. Can somebody please explain to me why this cat is alive and Elvis is dead?

Tom Petty: You got a negative attitude, Bob.

Bob: Me? You stole my fucking songs. You stole my fucking hat. I guess you can afford to be positive.

Tom: I won't back down ...

Bob: No. I tell you to fucking back down, you'll back down. You got a problem with that?

Tom: Me?

Dylan: No. Jeff Lynne. That fucking Irish cocksucker over there.

Jeff Lynne: I don't want to make trouble.

Dylan: Of course you don't. You got balls the size of bee-bees. That'd be a bad idea.

Jeff: Sure.

Dylan: "Sure." You fucking pussy. You ever stood up for yourself? In your whole fucking life?

Roy: Jeff's not ...

Dylan: Was I talking to you? Was I fucking talking to you?

Roy: No.

Dylan: No. Fuck no.

Jeff: I wasn't... OK. (smashing bottle) Fuck this shit, all right?

Dylan: At last. A real fucking cry from the soul.

Jeff: I'm going to bleeding kill you, mate. Who's with me?

George: Me, I suppose.

Jeff: You bloody well suppose or you bloody well are?

George: In for a penny, in for a pound.

Jeff: That's the bleeding spirit. Look! There's bowler hats!

George and Jeff put on bowler hats. Opening theme from "A Clockwork Orange."

Bob: And bowie knives! You know how to handle one of these?

Tom: Meh-heh-heh-heh.

Roy: (picking up knife) I guess it's like riding a bicycle.

Jeff: Right!

Door opens.

Bob: Ah, shit. It's the photographer.

Photographer: Smile, boys!

They smile.

*Credit where credit is due dept. This material draws on an improv comedy sketch performed with Su Byron on a disorienting journey.

No comments:

Post a Comment