INT, DACHA - DAY
Vladimir Putin, shirtless on the floor, is doing stomach crunches.
Putin: 558 … 559 … 600.
He shouts triumphantly, leaps to his feet like Jackie Chan.
Putin: 600 crunches! Fuck
you, American Psycho!
Aide: American Psycho?
Putin: You are not well
read.
Feints punch. Aide flinches. Putin is disgusted.
Putin: Answer this question
truthfully. Are you faggot?
Aide: N-no sir.
Putin. “N-no sir.” Tell you
what. Punch me in stomach.
Aide: What?
Putin: Punch me in stomach!
Aide: N-no sir.
Putin: Punch me in tfucking stomach!
The terrified aide punches him weakly.
Putin: Harder!
The aide punches him again.
Putin: Harder!
Outside the dacha, two security guards stand impassively while
Putin’s grunts and shouts of “harder” emerge from the walls.
Putin: Enough! Turn on TV.
Aide fumbles for the remote. Turns on ridiculously large
flatscreen TV.
Hillary Clinton is speaking. Cyrillic subtitles.
Putin: (snorts) Look at her.
Aide: This woman?
Putin: So-called. This bitch
wants to be American President.
Aide: I don’t follow
American …
Putin: No. Why should you? I
only pay you to fold towels and hand me water bottles.
Aide: I’m sorry, sir. I will
begin research starting –
Putin: This soulless bitch
thinks White House is her birthright! "White House" … you know what this is?
Aide: American seat of …
Putin: Look at her! She
calculates her every breath, this bitch. Do I want her to be American
President?
Aide: Do you … I don’t know,
sir. Do you … What is her ideology?
Putin: Fuck ideology. Go to
Fox News! Show me other guy …
Aide: Other guy?
Putin: Trump, you idiot! Trump!
The one with orange face and bad hair!
Aide fumbles with TV controller. Goes through various channels.
Finally gets to Fox News. Where Trump is speaking.
Aide: Is this the one?
Putin: Who else? Look at
him!
Aide looks.
Putin: What do you see?
Aide: Orange-faced man with
bad hair. As you say.
Putin: You see nothing. Look
at him, really look! This man Trump is world-class at smashmouth football of
American TV, yes?
Aide: Smashmouth?
Putin: American expression. Breaking
of teeth. Violent contact sport. That is meaning.
Aide: Ahh.
Putin: A talented man, in
his limited way. But impulsive, hmm? A lousy chess player. Easily manipulated. So.
Do I want this man Trump in the White House?
Aide: Of course not, sir!
Putin smiles. Walks up to the Aide, then snaps his neck. Aide
drops like a sack of rocks. Putin walks up to a locker, pulls out a cell phone.
Punches number.
Putin: Hello. Gufficer 2.0 I
wish to speak to? (Beat) Yes. I will
hold.
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