F***ing Paper Skeleton

Behold. The F***ing Paper Skeleton. Yes, I had it, once. And I'd been had. The f***ing ad in the f***ing comic book said, "Life-sized human skeleton." It seemed improbable, but they couldn't lie in an ad, right? So I sent away for it. I'm figuring a life-sized, plastic, human skeleton would arrive in in the U.S. Mail in some kind of plastic coffin. "Why, yes, Mr. Postman. I've been expecting that. I'd be happy to sign for it." Then the damn envelope arrived. Envelope? Yes, ENVELOPE. Flat, obviously. It was a f***ing paper skeleton! I knew it immediately, without opening the envelope. They made their bogus, impossible claim. And, like a chump kid, I fell for it. To this day, I've never gotten over the profound disillusionment.