Satan Claus

Satan Claus

ANNOUNCER: (ridiculously cheery) Yes Children, it's Christmas time again! Time to visit the winterwonderland of Santa's workshop!

(We see a row of elves--miserable, sweating elves--working frantically to produce toys. Santa appears with a bullwhip. He kicks one of the elves off a stool and begins whipping him.)

SANTA: WORK! WORK YOU MANGY ELVES! CHRISTMAS IS COMING...

(Santa notices us.) Christmas...yes. Ever wonder about Christmas, eh?  Buy buy buy! Sell sell sell! The pressure! The insanity! All the time ignoring you-know-who...

(We see a lonely, sad, old-timey preacher in an empty church).

SANTA: All the time celebrating materialism! Greed!

(We see a shot of frantic shoppers at the mall.

Santa: Christmas has become MY HOLIDAY. When all the world worships ME hahaha. Ever wonder who I am?

(At a blackboard, Santa points out the anagram of SANTA and SATAN).

Santa: I've been working...steadily WORKING, yes. For two thousand years I've waited. I have built my following. My Kingdom grows. Now the time has come...

(SANTA leaps into his sled, which flies into the air. The reindeer have a hideous, glazed, undead look in their eyes.)

(Cut to ground level. People are looking up at the sky as in the old Superman show. We can hear SANTA's voice filling the world...)

SANTA: WORSHIP ME!  I BRING YOU PRESENTS! I BRING YOU YOUR HEART'S DESIRE...ANYTHING YOU WANT IS YOURS IF YOU ONLY WORSHIP ME!

SANTA's helpers go out, ringing bells, chanting "Worship Santa...worship Santa." The Santa's helpers put up enormous Big Brother-like posters of SANTA on buildings everywhere. They enter churches, defiling them, placing statues of SANTA on the altar. Across the world the evil figure of SANTA appears on TV, calling out to the children to worship him. And they do.

SANTA: Worship me...worship me...

CHILDREN: We worship you!

SANTA: I will bring you presents...

CHILDREN: You will bring us presents!

SANTA: The Spirit of Christmas must live all year long!

CHILDREN: All year long!

SANTA: I AM THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS!!!

The CHILDREN scream with fanatic worship, devotion. The scene resembles a Nazi rally.

Cut to: SANTA flying through the air in his evil sleigh,
flying over rows and rows of houses in the suburbs. He lands on the roof of a house. The hideous, demonic reindeer stamp. Inside, Dad with pipe looks up, sees hoof poke through roof...

DAD: Wha...

SANTA: (leering red face popping out of chimney) Merry Christmas, hahaha...

He grabs MOM and DAD, then ties them to the Christmas tree with the electric lights.

SANTA: Now, children, I demand...sacrifice!

DAD: No, Timmy...you can't...we're your parents!

SANTA: Plug it in. Plug in the tree...

(We hear a hideous scream. In Santa's face, we see a reflection of the red light of the parents being electrocuted. Santa is grinning. Last shot: Santa's sleigh against the sky.

CAPTION: "And I heard him explain as he went out of sight...'Merry Christmas to all...and to all, a good night!"