"All in the Family" redux

INT, BUNKER HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - DAY
Archie and Michael in two chairs. Alone. Talking.
Michael: We agree about more than you think, Archie.
Archie: The helluva it is, you’re right.
Michael: What?
Archie: Think about it, meathead. I’m a union man. I voted for Roosevelt and Truman, you snotnose college punk. I’m more liberal than you in a lotta ways.
Michael: You voted for Nixon.
Archie: Yeah, I did. Because I’m not a liberal.
Michael: Why not?
Archie: I hate liberals.
Michael: Why?
Archie: Superior attitude, that’s why. “Recycle. Be happy when your son puts on a dress. Don’t say this word or that word. Get out of Vietnam! Do this, do that.” It never ends with you liberals.
Michael: What never ends.?
Archie: The nagging, that’s what.
Michael: Nagging? Oh that’s great, Archie. You’ve reduced my concern for peace and social justice to “nagging.” Bravo. I’ll shut up from now on.
Archie: No, you won’t. It’s OK. You’re always telling us what to do, meathead. You’re a liberal, you can’t help it.
Michael: No. I stand up for my beliefs, same as you.
Archie: “Same as me.” You think I’m stupid don’t you?
Michael: What? What are you talking about?
Archie: “What are you talking about.” (scoffs) You know what I’m talking about, meathead. Can’t you be honest for once?
Michael: “For once…?” Come on, Archie! When have I not been honest?
Archie: Yeah, la-di-dah. Get a load of Saint Meathead, here. You cannot tell a lie.
Michael: You’re projecting, Archie.
Archie: Oh yeah?
Michael: Yeah.
Archie: So what am I projecting?
Michael: I have absolutely zero idea, Archie.
(They both burst out laughing)
Michael: Yeah … Listen, Archie. (laughs) I still don’t know what you’re talking about. Seriously. I’m in the dark here. (laughs) Honestly.
Archie: (laughs) “Honestly” my ass.
Michael: What? Come on, Archie. Where’s this hostility coming from?
Archie: Where? (lights cigar) See? That’s the trouble with all you liberals.
Michael: What liberals? I’m counting one liberal in the room, Archie. It’s just you and me.
Archie: That’s a smart thing to say, Michael. Really smart. See … I’d never think of that.
Michael: I never said …
Archie: No. But you think I’m stupid, right?
Michael: No! J …
Archie: Just uneducated maybe? Unenlightened? Prejudiced?
Michael: You’re twisting my words around, Archie. I don’t think you’re stupid.
Archie: OK, fine. I’m not stupid. You say so, who am I to argue?
(They shake hands. Michael breathes a sigh of relief.)
Archie: You don’t think I’m stupid. But you do think you’re smart.
Michael: Arggggh!!
Archie: Come, on Michael. Admit it. It’s nothing to be ashamed about. You think you’re smart, right?
Michael: Right.
Archie: “Right.” Spoken like a typical liberal. I rest my case.