Friday, July 30, 1999

Austin Powers in the Village


Austin Powers enters.


NUMBER TWO: In the Village.

AUSTIN POWERS: “In the Village.” That’s not very helpful, mate. What village?

NUMBER TWO: The Village.

AUSTIN POWERS: Right. I realize it’s a village, man. It’s not a city or moderate-size town. I was referring more to, like, the name of the village.

NUMBER TWO: The Village.

AUSTIN POWERS: The Village. Right. There’s ever so many villages on the planet. The question is, which one?

NUMBER TWO: The Village.

AUSTIN POWERS: Right. Not getting anywhere with that. Which side are you on?

NUMBER TWO: That would be telling.

AUSTIN POWERS: Right. Well, I asked you a question. You answer, you’re sort of telling me, that’s assumed, in’t it? Have you suffered a recent head injury? You want an aspirin?

NUMBER TWO: We want information.

AUSTIN POWERS: What sort of information? Like the capital of Afghanistan or what?

NUMBER TWO: Information.

AUSTIN POWERS: Soccer scores? Who won the world cup final?

NUMBER TWO: Information, information, information.

AUSTIN POWERS: Stop repeating yourself. It’s bloody irritating. Who are you?

NUMBER TWO: The new Number Two.

AUSTIN POWERS: Number Two? (snickers) How’d you get stuck with that one? (snickers) Hi, I’m Number Two. Shit job, eh? That chair of yours. It’s a bit like a loo, int it? (snickers) Number one piss on your head, does he?


AUSTIN POWERS: I’m not a number, man. I’m free. Man.

NUMBER TWO: Ha, ha, ha, ha....

AUSTIN POWERS: That wasn’t meant as a joke, mate. You’re full of crap, Number Two.


A few seconds later, the metal doors open. DR. EVIL enters.

DR. EVIL: Where am I?

NUMBER TWO: In the Village.

DR EVIL: This is regoddamndiculous.

He turns to leave, walking back up the ramp. The metallic double doors don't open. DR. EVIL crashes into them and falls on his ass.

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