Thursday, January 11, 2001

Peace in the Middle East

Idea for peace in the Middle East ...

Goddamnit, I'm tired of this shit. It’s like the Hatfields and the McCoys with towels on their heads and/or beanies. Fuck it. I don’t care who’s right or wrong. It’s boring. Not only that, consider the shitloads of money spent to keep the Jews and Palestinians from killing each other. What we need is a quick and dirty solution.

I propose interval ownership.

Hear me out, OK?

Six months of the year it’s Palestine, the other six months it’s Israel. When it’s your time out of the country, the UN puts you up in a four-star hotel of your choice at any spot on the planet, just so long as it's outside “Holy Land.” The decadent enjoy Vegas-style sleaze, drugs and whores. The morally upright enjoy family entertainment in places like Disney World and Universal Studios. And EVERYBODY gets free room service!

And, speaking of “entertainment resort complexes,” the “Holy Land” itself would be turned into a vast amusement park called, well, “Holy Land.” During your six months, you’d work as an “entertainer” for tourists around the world — lotsa bigheaded Jesuses walking on water, signing autographs, etc. (And, of course, the film industry would also provide employment via constant documentaries.) Jews could plant trees. Six months later, Palestinians could dig them up. The Jews could ask for mony to plant more trees.

I think it could work.

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