Thursday, January 11, 2001

History's great rejection letters


Dear ADOLPH,
I have finished my review of your portfolio, Mr. Schicklgruber. Your passion for art is evident. But passion, alone, is not talent. Inanimate objects are your strong point: buildings, rocks, hills and so forth. Dare I say that your people do not convince me that they are people? That your people, in fact, seem like objects? It strikes me, further, that your line is very tense, that you grip your pencil or brush too tightly. You need to loosen up, Adolph! Art is not a question of control; you must let your hand go free to fly like a bird across the page! If you find your freedom, you will find your artistry. As it stands, I see only the WILL to be an artist, and not the talent. Come back to me when your art takes wing, and I will consider admitting you into the academy. Until then, I remain ...

Yours in service of the protean "nebeninander"
-- Professor Emeritus, Sol Herschberger

PS: If considering a career in art, please consider a change of name. "Schicklgruber" is not so much as a signature, hmm?

Dear CHARLIE MANSON,
As requested, I have listened to your demo reel. Your songwriting talent is indisputable, and I appreciate your driving sense of rhythm. Yes, you've mastered the rock "idiom." But that in itself is not enough. You have yet to find your own voice, Charlie. The material submitted sounds too much like Charlie Manson doing a Jim Morrison imitation. Yes, it is a VERY GOOD imitation. But you are not Jim Morrison! I need to hear your voice, Charlie. And you need to find your own voice. Please, take a year off from "the music biz," and find yourself, Charlie. Perhaps a stint in the desert away from "the madding crowd" will do you good! Come back to me when you sound like you, Charlie. Then we'll talk about that killer album.


best,
Terry Melcher 


Dear VALERIE SOLANAS,
Thank you for submitting your manuscript. Unfortunately, it does not meet our needs. Due to the volume of submissions, Interview Magazine cannot promise to return all editorial materials. In the future, please send S.A.S.E. and copy of your work only.

sincerely,
Andy Warhol

 

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