!@#$$%!

There are folks who say cursing is stupid, the result of a lack of imagination, etc. This is only because they don’t know how to curse well.

But I do. A partial list follows as the original trash-talking file got trashed and I had to rewrite it:

Filthy list below jump:





Shitpissfuck
Fuckfuckfuck
Jesus Fuck
Jesus H. Fuck
Christ on a stick.
Christ on a crutch.
Christ in a gorilla suit.
Fuck the dog.
Fuck the dog in heat.
Motherfuck the dog.
Motherfuck the fuck
Shit on ice
Shit on toast
Fuck you and your little dog too
Suk muk duk (from “the Groove Tube”)
Eatee’ moi (pseudo French accent pronounced “eat-ay mwah”)

(The above is only the tit of the iceberg. More to come as they occur to me spontaneously in traffic.)

* * *
I am also sick of stupid online acronyms like “LMAO” and “IMHO.”

Some new ones:

GTFOOMW: Get the fuck out of my way.
WDYTAFFAARD: Why don’t you take a flying fuck at a rolling donut?
WDYTAFFATM: Why don’t you take a flying fuck at the moon?
DLTBGYD: Don’t let the bastards get you down.
BCFMO: Brightly-colored fast-moving object. (From “Babylon 5”)
UATWRM: Up against the wall redneck mothers. (Song. Forgot which.)
SOMFATMTYLM: Sit on my face and tell me that you love me. (Monty Python)
KMRIA: Kiss my royal Irish arse. (James Joyce’s “Ulysees”)
WDYBUAKRR: Why don’t you bounce up and kiss Red Rusty?

* * *

Alternatives to “shit happens”...

BM billows.
Cowpies carry on.
Dookie distributes.
Dung develops.
Feces flourishes.
Farts fly.
Kaka continues.
Merde maintains.
Poop proliferates
Turds triumph.

Am I over the line yet?

PS: All this was better the first time I wrote it.

PPS: Motherfuck the dog.