Operation Richard Simmons

Evidently we're dropping food on Afghanistan. What would Richard Simmons say?

INT, PENTAGON

RICHARD SIMMONS addressing RUMSFELD.

RICHARD SIMMONS: (hand on hip) What do you MEAN you’re dropping food -- just indiscriminately dropping food? Have you ever considered the weight problem? They don’t know how to count calories! They need my “Deal a Meal”...!

RUMSFELD's eyes narrow.

INT, C-17 CARGO PLANE – DAY

Army grunts push RICHARD SIMMONS, along with thousands of “Deal a Meals” or fuckingwhatever his latest scam is now called, through the open cargo bay door.

RICHARD SIMMONS falls ...

EXT, AFGHANISTAN – DAY

AFGHAN PEASANT: (stretching out arms and looking at sky) Fuck -- it’s Richard Simmons.

RICHARD SIMMONS crushes him.