A Clockwork Musical

EXT, ALLEY - NIGHT
West Side Story dancers doing high kicks, etc.

ANNOUNCER: (OS) Once every generation, a musical comes along that touches hearts and teaches us to laugh and love. This isn't one of them.

ALEX: Let's get 'em, boys!

ALEX and his DROOGS kick the crap out of the West Side Story dancers.

ANNOUNCER: This Broadway season, don't miss A Clockwork Orange--Turn off the Milk! Directed by Baz Luhrmann with screenplay by Koko the Chimp.

INT, OFFICE
Koko signs (subtitles) Koko no like Burgess ending! Koko like Kubrick ending!

DAVID MILCH: (writing it down) Slow down ya fucking chimp bastard.

ANNOUNCER: You've heard the songs! Alex's song!

ALEX:
Life is just a bowl of cereal ...
Just add milk!

ANNOUNCER: Ricky Gervais as the derelict Irish bum ...

EXT, ALLEY - NIGHT

Ricky Gervais sings ...

(to the tune of Molly Malone)
In London's Fair City
Where the girls have nice titties
I first got my arse kicked
By Alex's droogs
They battered and throttled
And shattered me bottle
Speaking strictly for me
I think that's quite rude.

ANNOUNCER: The unforgettable Dim's Song by some actor with no neck.

DIM:
My name is Dim.
They call me Dim.
Because I'm ... dim.
But I have needs!
I have dreams!
Like Billy Elliot ...
There's another Dim ...
Inside!
And I must dance!

Dim attempts to dance and falls on his head.

EXT, BROADWAY
BORED WOMAN: If you see any musical about a psychotic in a bowler hat, this is the musical to see. Did I say it right?

ANNOUNCER: Not nominated for seven Tony Awards. Not playing in 26 countries worldwide.
Not to be missed. A Clockwork Orange: Turn off the Milk! is at Ticketmaster.com.