Coulrophobia

Title fades in: 
Coulrophobia

Subtitle fades in: 
Noun: extreme or irrational fear of clowns

Calliope music (OS)

Go to --

EXT, CIRCUS – DAY

Calliope music continues. (OS) 

Fish-eye lens POV of Child looking up.

The Child is crying. (OS)

A clown (Koko) walks by, goes out of frame.

Koko returns, walking backwards into frame. Then stops. Looks.

Koko: Say…what’s the matter, little girl? Aw. Are you lost? Did your mommy and daddy leave you here all alone? Gosh. That makes Koko sad!

Crying gets louder. (OS)

Koko pantomimes wiping his eyes. Then snaps his fingers.

Koko: Say, I’ve got an idea! Why don’t you run away and join the circus?

Crying gets louder. Koko leans down, like the cop in A Clockwork Orange.

Koko: Then you could be with ME!

Crying gets louder.

Wouldn’t that be swell?

Koko: Then you could be with Koko forever and ever and e—

Mom: (OS) What the hell are you doing?

Koko reacts.

 
Koko: Lady I’m just …

Go to black.

Sounds: (OS) Mom beating the seltzer out of Koko while Child giggles. 

Calliope music up.

Walt Disney's "Harlequin!"

Note: bouncy, Pixar-style 3D animation.

MONTAGE, VARIOUS LOCATIONS.

ANNOUNCER: (VO) Raoul Mitgong is a nice guy and a hard worker. He has just one little problem. He has no sense of time and he's been late his whole life. In a future society that runs by the clock, that's a big problem. But Raoul is fighting back. With jellybeans!

EXT, FACTORY - DAY
Raoul (in a jester's outfit) flies overhead on a hovercraft, laughing insanely and dropping jellybeans on the conveyor belt, gumming up the works.

ANNOUNCER: (VO) Yes, in his secret identity as The Harlequin, Raoul is making trouble everywhere. Especially for the Ticktockman.

TICKTOCKMAN: (shaking fists) Harlequin!

ANNOUNCER: (VO) But also his family.

INT, MITGONG RESIDENCE - NIGHT
Raoul is awkwardly tugging on his jester's cap. His wife harrangues him. A Baby giggles.

ALICE MITGONG: When are you going to take responsibility, huh? When?

RAOUL: I am! For the first time in my ... (looks at watch). Ohmygawd! I'm late!

Runs off.

BABY: Giggles.

EXT, BIG BEN - NIGHT.
Big Ben's hands are at twelve. Big Ben bongs twelve -- then stops.
Raoul is holding onto the big hand, dangling helplessly over empty space, Harold Lloyd-style.

TICKTOCKMAN: (shaking fists) Harlequin!

INT, MITGONG BASEMENT - NIGHT
Raoul and Alice confront the innards of a vast clock, disassembled to a bewildering chaos of cogs and gears.

ALICE: You're running out of time!
RAOUL: I can do this.
ALICE: This scene isn't even in the story!
RAOUL: I need to focus, OK? For all of us!
BABY: Giggles.

TICKTOCKMAN: (shaking fists) Harlequin!

ANNOUNCER: It's time for a hero. Even if he's late. Walt Disney's "Harlequin." Coming...well, whenever he gets here.

Title: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT TO THE WORKS OF HARLAN ELLISON.

"The Lollipop Guild" -- film trailer

EXT, LAND OF OZ – DAY

Devastation, poverty, tornadoes, bad feng shui.

ANNOUNCER: (VO) In a world where wizards and witches create chaos and fear, somebody has to stand up for the little guy.

INT, CEO’S OFFICE, LOLLIPOPWERX - DAY

THREE MUNCHKINS appear holding axe handles.

MUNCHKIN: We represent the Lollipop Guild.

They beat the crap out of the CEO.

MUNCHKIN: Yeah? Who’s the sucker now?

ANNOUNCER: (VO) Meet the Lollipop Guild. They faced the death of their own.

EXT, HAUNTED FOREST - NIGHT

TWO MUNCHKINS contemplate another MUNCHKIN hanging from a tree.

MUNCHKIN: Hell. I guess it ain’t no urban legend.

ANNOUNCER: (VO) They stood up to violence with more violence.

EXT, LOLLIPOPWERX - DAY
The factory is surrounded by an angry picket line of MUNCHKINS. The SCARECROW crosses it. Smiles. Then turns with sudden surprise to see --

MUNCHKIN (holding lit match): How about a little fire, scab?

Tosses match on SCARECROW.

SCARECROW: Not again!

ANNOUNCER: (VO) They lost their jobs.

MUNCHKINS contemplate list of names tacked up to bolted-and-shut factory door.

MUNCHKIN: We're Munchkins! They can't downsize us!

ANNOUNCER: (VO) The Lollipop Guild. If you're thinking of messing with them, think again. Dynamite always comes in small packages. 

EXT, LOLLIPOPWERX - DAY
The factory explodes.

ANNOUNCER: (VO) And speaks with a Bronx accent for no reason whatsoever. 

TITLE: THE LOLLIPOP GUILD. In theaters everywhere this Labor Day.