Monday, March 31, 2014

United States Air Force Nuclear Missile Program Exam 423

"Pencils down, please."
Attention! You will soon taking United States Air Force Nuclear Missile Program Exam 423. This is a timed test. (45 minutes.) You will be required to answer based on your own understanding and refrain from copying or cheating. (This includes copying your neighbor's answers and/or looking it up on Wikipedia.) Due to staffing constraints, this requirement is based on the honor system. At the sound of the bell you will begin. Begin!

1: ICBM stands for:
A) Intercontinental ballistic missile.
B) Idiopathic countrified bowel movement.
C) I cain't believe ma!

2: Two ICBMs are launched simultaneously from LaPuta and a United States submarine in the Atlantic Ocean at 0800 hours Pacific Standard Time. Coincidentally, each launch is 1,817 miles from target. Both missiles are traveling in suborbital trajectories for targets in the United States and Russia at a velocity of 6,000 miles per second. How long do you have to kiss your ass goodbye?

3: "Nuclear" is pronounced.
A) Nu-klee-er.
B) Nu-cu-lar.
C) Never. It shouldn't come up in conversation.

4: "Doctor Strangelove" is:
A) A documentary.
B)  Optimistic.
C) A real person.

5: Nuclear explosions are caused by:
A) Nukes. Exploding.
B) Stuff scientists do.
C) The rapid release of energy from a high-speed nuclear reaction. Like it says on Wikipedia.

6: In the event of DefCon 1:
A) Commanding and executive officer assigned to Launch Control Center will obey sealed authenticator system protocol without deviation.
B) Commanding and executive officer will push the big red button.
C) The jolly, candy-colored button.

7: Which post-apocalyptic scenario is most probable? 
A) "A Boy and His Dog." 
B) "The Road." 
C) All of the above.  

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