Cthulu vs Pazuzu 2016: Attack Ads

CTH PSSY TOON. PNLF2016 CAMPAIGN SPOT #665.
Cloying cartoon of happy, cartoon Cthulu doing good deeds and giggling. Irritating bouncy music. Like The Smurfs theme, but worse.
ANNOUNCER: (OS) Cthulu claims to be evil. But how evil is he? According to The Guardian, he was seen distributing bottled water and medical supplies to victims of the 2004 tsunami. Does that sound like an amoral, transdimensional, eldritch intelligence beyond the pathetic human categories of "good" and evil" to you? To us, it sounds more like a pussy. Pazuzu on the other hand. Caused the !@#ing tsunami.

Pazuzu: (OS) I AM PAZUZU. AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE.

PZZ PSOUP. NCTEC2016 CAMPAIGN SPOT #859.
While mammals cringed below the feet of sauropods, Cthulu silenced the minstrels of the fifth planet and shattered their world to lifeless rock. He drowned the Atlanteans before their crystals could open the time gate. The blood tides of Attilla, Genghis, Hitler, Stalin and Mao all flowed from the dark springs of his mind. Pazuzu, on the other hand, made a little girl vomit and do naughty things with a crucifix. He was defeated by a drunken priest with mommy issues. If you were Putin, whom would you fear?
 Cthulu: (OS) “I AM CTHULU AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE.”

CTH FSHTNK. PNLF2016 CAMPAIGN SPOT #229.
POV, microsub below ocean. Close in on scummy submerged city that looks like a castle at the bottom of a fishtank that hasn't been cleaned. Ever.
ANNOUNCER: (OS) Deep beneath the southern Pacific Ocean lies the drowned city of R'lyeh. Thanks to James Cameron, we'll give you a look. Scary isn't it? Well filthy, anyway. Somewhere inside, "dead Cthulu awaits." Allegedly. According to several writers of pulp fiction, he's been sleeping in there for the last 100,000 years. They also claim his nightmares are the source of all human misery. Sort of like Freddy Kruger, but alien. Yes, Hitler, Stalin, and all the wars, plagues and bad guys since the dawn of time. They're all Cthulu's fault. Although this bad boy has never been seen outside the DT dreams of a few alcoholic hacks. We'll just have to take their word for it and let the old guy sleep. Unlike Pazuzu. Who never sleeps.
Pazuzu: (OS) I AM PAZUZU. AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE.

PZZ DVHM. NCTEC2016 CAMPAIGN SPOT #404.
Open, can of Underwood Deviled Ham. Slowly zoom in. Scream continues (OS) and gets louder and louder ...
ANNOUNCER: (OS) Pitiful humans who know not true fear love to frighten themselves. Ghosts, goblins, witches,  scary monsters ... and devils. Yes, cringe before the image of true terror. Behold, our dark Lord! Or in this case, jolly red. There he is, holding a terrifying trident in his limp wrist. The very face of fear itself. And the perfect symbol for chopped, spiced ham that's perfect for picnic sandwiches or anytime snacks. You can stop screaming anytime you want to. Or vote for Cthulu. And never stop screaming.
Cthulu: (OS) “I AM CTHULU AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE.”