Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition

(From “The Book of Armaments”)
The people stand or kneel
Officiant: The Lord be with you.
People: And with thy spirit.
Officiant: Let us lock and load.
[Sound of a church full of guns cocking a round in the chamber.]
Officiant: Lord, we thank thee for our Second Amendment protections.
People: Thanks be to God.
Officiant: For it is written: “Who shall stop a bad guy with a gun?” And the people answered …
People: A good guy with a gun.
Officiant: Amen. And what shalt it be said of a church full of good guys with guns?
People: Even better.
Officiant: And so it came to pass in the Lord’s mercy.
People: Amen.
Officiant: But be not puffed up with pride, for the bad guy cometh as a well-armed sheep in wolf’s clothing. Shalt thou spend time practicing in the rifle range?
People: Before the Lord, we shalt.
Officiant: Wilst thou neglect not thine ammunition?
People: Before the Lord, we shalt not.
Officiant: Wilst thou field-strip your weapon and keep it cleaned and oiled on a daily basis?
People: Before the Lord, we shalt.
Officiant: Let us aim.