"I Shot the Serif"

(to the tune of Bob Marley’s “I Shot the Sheriff”)

I shot the serif
‘Cause I hated the typography
I shot the serif
‘Cause the page just looked like shit to me

Typesetting got the better of me.
Prints Charming was my show.
My boss thought fonts was on “Happy Days.”
She said, “Comic Sans will make it flow.”
“Comic Sans will make it flow.”

I shot the serif
‘Cause I hated the typography
I shot the serif
‘Cause the page just looked like shit to me

The lady always hated me.
Why? I don’t know.
She said, “Use tick marks, not quotes
And don’t ask why.
The customer wants it so.
I said the customer, he wants it so.”
And I said …

I shot the serif
‘Cause I hated the typography
I shot the serif
‘Cause the page just looked like shit to me

Fraktur body copy in all caps.
Orphans and widows drop like flies.
Kerning tight as a Bishop’s ass.
The screen just hurt my eyes.
So I pulled out my 45.
I pulled out my 45.

I shot the serif
‘Cause I hated the typography
I shot the serif
‘Cause the page just looked like shit to me