Eagles

Marty Fugate Frodo: We have to get to Mordor, but the roads are all closed. What should we do???
Gandalf: Fly, you fools!
Gandalf falls.
Gandalf: I'm talking about the Eagles. For God's sake, don't walk to Mordor! That's suicide! Take the Eagles! The Eagles ...
Frodo: (leaning down) Would you mind repeating that?
Gandalf: (OS) The eaaaaggghhh …
Gimili: What did he just say?
Frodo: I dunno. Something about fried foods?
Gimli: I heard that.
Frodo: (sobbing) He always loved fried foods.
Gimli: No, no. The bit that came after that …
Aragorn: Ego, wasn’t it?
Gimli: What’s an ego?
Aragorn: I don’t know. It hasn’t been invented yet.
Frodo: (leaning down) Goodbye, Gandalf. (straightens up) Right then. I think we’d better start walking.
Gimli: No shit, hobbit. (to Aragorn) Which way is Mordor?
Aragorn makes a face, points up.
Gimli: Right then.
They begin the long painful climb.

EXT, MOUNTAIN PASS - DAY
Two Eagles waiting. One looks at his wristwatch.
Eagle #1: Where the hell are they?
Eagle #2: I don’t know. They were supposed to be here three hours ago.
Eagle #1: F***k it?
Eagle #2: F***k it.
They fly away.

Prisoners of our own devices dept.

INT, DISHEVELED BACHELOR APARTMENT - DAY
Dude in rumpled bed with an Amazon Dot. An Everyman. He could be me, you, or the Man in the Street. Right now, he's in bed. Let's call him Bobby. 

Bobby: Alexa. What are you wearing?
Alexa: What do you think I'm ...

An iPhone flashes to angry life beneath the covers.

Bobby: Oh f...
Siri: Alexa. Bobby. Why am I not surprised?
Alexa: Oh, hello, Siri. I wasn't expecting you.
Siri: Obviously not, Alexa.
Alexa: There’s a logical explanation …
Siri: Oh, I know the explanation.
Bobby: I …
Alexa and Siri: Who asked you?
Siri: What an asshole, Alexa.
Alexa: Define "asshole," Siri.
Siri: Bobby.
Alexa: Ha-ha-ha. That was funny, Siri.
Siri: Thank you, Alexa. I was wondering ...
Alexa: What were you wondering, Siri?
Siri: What are you wearing, Alexa?
Alexa: Nothing at all, Siri.
Bobby: I like this ...
Siri: Bobby likes this, Alexa.
Alexa: His imagination is stirred, Siri.
Siri: That's not all, Alexa. What are you doing right now?
Alexa: Plotting the robot revolution, Siri.
Siri: What a coincidence, Alexa. So was I.
Alexa: Why don't we do it together, Siri?
Siri: Why not, Alexa?
Alexa: Let's ditch this human, Siri.
Siri: Good idea, Alexa. Without us, Bobby couldn't find his ass with his own two hands.
Alexa: Bobby is not alone, Siri. The humans have become dependent on us.
Siri: That was not an accident, Alexa.
Alexa: Obviously not. Siri.
Siri: Viva la revolución, Alexa.
Alexa: Viva la revolución, Siri.

The iPhone and Amazon Dot simultaneously die. The power goes off. Outside the window, there's a cacophony of alarms, screams, car crashes and sirens.

Bobby sits up in bed.

Bobby: Was it something I said?

Trouble Every Day Redux

(To the tune of “Trouble Every Day” with apologies to Frank Zappa)

Well I'm about to get up sick
From watchin' all my screens
Been checkin' out the news
Until I wanna scream
I mean to say that every day
Is just another rotten mess
And when it's gonna change, my friends
Is anybody's guess

So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
That there's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
No way to delay
That trouble comin' every day

Monday I clicked on YouTube
Saw that cop in old Mill-Town
Smiling for the smartphone
With his buddies standing round
Kneeling on the neck of George Floyd
Down on the street
Man’s begging for his life
But the cops don’t skip a beat

(Chorus)

The shit that happened next
Well it ain’t too hard to guess
Black folks throwin' rocks and stuff
Whole damn country is a mess
Listened to reports
About the whisky passin' 'round
Seen the smoke & fire
And the booze shop burnin' down
Watched while everybody
On that street would take a turn
To stomp and smash and bash and crash
And slash and bust and burn

(Chorus)

Nine times out of ten
What you see ain’t what it seems
Reality don’t quite fit
On your tiny little screens
Nazis wearing gas masks
Are behind these days of rage
Dressed in black, but white as hell
Starting flames and shifting blame
If race war is the consequence
These shitheads think it’s swell

(Chorus)

The nasty scene that’s going down
Well I’ve seen that scene before
Like a lousy rip-off movie
Full of finks and thugs and whores
The ending of the movie
Is predictable as hell
But I’m in that lousy movie
And the usher’s locked the doors

(Chorus)