Tuesday, April 6, 2021

Book Review: "Stormland"






A Hard Rain is Going to Fall

 We have met the future and it sucks. The forecast is brutal in John Shirley's "Stormland."


The hellish opening pages of John Shirley’s Stormland remind me of Escape from New York. Bang! Shirley’s protagonist is on the move to a very shitty place. How shitty? As shitty as it gets. Aye. It’s a sea voyage, matey. A murky, slime-streaked trip! A bad trip, obviously. Shirley's magical misery trip begins with no draggy exposition, just a few clues and offhand comments. But the character's destination is clear …

 

Welcome to hell. Contrary to popular opinion, it isn’t hot. It’s wet and soggy.

 

The uninformed reader might think they've opened a book about climate change. The novel's protagonist (Darryl Webb, an ex-US Marshal, turned bounty hunter) thinks he’s going to nab a shitty, mass-murdering fugitive hiding out in a shitty stretch of the South Carolina coast called “Stormland.” Webb arrives at his shitty destination in a shitty underwater vehicle called an “amphisub.” (By this point, attentive readers will have noticed the prevailing shit theme.) As Pvt. “Pyle” observed in Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket, “I am in a world of shit.” Webb knows exactly how the man feels. But changing this shitty world isn’t even an option for him. Abandon all hope ye who enter. Webb did, a long time ago. Along with everyone else who had a grain of sense.

 

That’s what you find out. In just the first few pages.

 

Shirley doesn’t lecture or preach in the pages that follow. He grabs you by the throat and drags you into his drowned hellworld. Webb and the other inhabitants of that world don’t find it particularly hellish. It’s just their world. Climate change isn’t an issue anymore, at least to them. The climate done changed a long time ago. 

 

By way of analogy, consider the Fertile Crescent. Thanks to the assaults of early human civilization, the Fertile Crescent. Isn’t. It’s a fucking desert now. The people who live there aren’t surprised. Oh fuck! Look at all this fucking sand! Nah. They just live with it. The inhabitants of Shirley’s soggy hell feel the same way about the fucking rain. And that rain has clearly washed away much of their humanity.

 

In clever synechdoche, Shirley tosses you the bones of brutal character details on the first leg of Webb's voyage. A callous remark about a dead brother. A captain who puts a gun in Webb’s face when the bounty hunter sneers at calling his shitty boat a “vessel.” Details like that. These people are damaged and hard. Survival mode is their default setting. It’s not even a choice anymore. 

 

You figure that out after a few more pages.

 

In a nasty bit of brilliance, Shirley then continues his ripping yarn as if he were writing for the people of this lousy time. Yeah, he’s not writing for you. This isn’t science fiction, baby. His readers are in 2117 (or whatever), and the drowned world is just background. They’re here for the story — a manhunt, a police procedural, a detective story, whatever. Or so it seems …

 

Whatever you call it, Webb’s bounty hunter’s hunt goes on. Unlike John Carpenter’s Snake Plissken or William Gibson’s Case, Webb isn’t motivated by time-released toxin sacks in his bloodstream that will kill him if he doesn’t complete his task on time. Nobody’s forcing him to do the job. Webb needs the money.

 

Webb’s financially motivated manhunt unfolds with vivid description — always grounded in the character’s phenomenological experience of physical reality. Shirley interweaves this sense data with Webb’s stream of consciousness and expositional info bursts. All these threads come together effortlessly. (At least you might think so if “writer” isn’t your job description. Having fucked up a few verbal tapestries in my time, I can assure you it’s not.)

 

Webb’s brutal quest slogs on to its ineluctable end. Shirley being Shirley, he flips the script several times along the way. I’d be a right bastard to spoil the surprise, so I won’t. But here’s a hint …

 

Heartlessness is a defense mechanism. Hope is the cruelest gift of Pandora’s Box. Ernest Cline danced around the point, but let’s speak the plain truth. In a crapsack world, VR is a better rush than heroin. Reality sucks. But it’s the only dance there is. Human beings can adapt to anything! Don’t smile, idiot. That sucks, too.

 

Clear as mud, I know. But it all makes sense if you read Stormland. I highly recommend it.

 

Shirley's at the top of his game in this novel. Stormland is up there with his Eclipse trilogy and City Come a Walking. Simply put, Shirley’s story is great. The words that deliver his story are, too. But unforgiving. Shirley’s prose is as hard as a Dim Mak death punch. How shall I put it? 

 

Shirley can hit with both hands and move around and he will kill you if you are not awfully careful... Mr. Shirley, boy, you are good. 

 

Actually, to be honest, that’s what Hemingway said about Nelson Algren’s The Man with the Golden Arm. I figure it also applies to Stormland, and I couldn't find a better way to put it. And he’s Hemingway, right? I can’t improve on Hemingway, right? Anyway, he’s dead, so who cares? And where was I?

 

Book review. Right.

 

OK. Uh. Bruce Sterling covered some of the same soggy ground in Heavy Weather. Shirley’s novel is more like Heavy Weather, ten or twenty years later. The hard rain kept falling. And then it got harder. Ballard took a similar plunge in Drowned World — a novel he wrote for the money and ultimately disowned. A half-assed thought experiment, at best. But Shirley doesn’t play that. 

 

Stormland isn’t a glass bead game. In plain English, it’s not an intellectual exercise. Or a Waterworld variation of Mad Max for that matter. There’s no winking, no hint of camp. 

 

Shirley is dead serious. His characters are flesh and blood — and that’s the real strength of his writing. Abandon all hope. That’s what his characters do. Shirley gets you under their skin. He makes you feel their hopeless reality.

 

And then you know how it feels. 

Thursday, March 11, 2021

The Captain Ahab Therapy Session




Psychiatrist: I want to explored uncharted territory. Hidden depths. Deep waters, so to speak.

You’re a fool if ye do.

Why?

There be monsters in those waters.

Monsters like …

Ar, I can see where you’re steering this talk. Best belay that course.

Moby Dick?

Ah, damn your eyes! 

Moby Dick. Dick.

Stop saying “dick.”

Fine. Dick. But what does the whale mean to you?

What do ye think it means?

Hmmm. I think that, whatever this whale symbolizes … it makes you very angry.

“Symbolizes?” This whale be no symbol. Yar! Moby took me leg, he did. Bit it clean off! I’ve ever reason to be angry!

I see. Dick. Let’s talk about your missing leg. What do you think that symbolizes.

Go fuck yourself! That’s what it symbolizes


Thursday, February 11, 2021

Anton Prohias Comes in from the Cold War then Goes Back Out: “Spy/Spys” vs “Spy vs Spy”

In the 5th Century BCE, Sun Tzu's "Art of War" pointed out that "All warfare is based on deception." He later added, "Deception. That's what spies are good at. That's why I don't trust those lying, sneaky bastards." Gallery/Shmallery's recent exhibition of Anton Prohias' work clearly proves both points quite clearly. Or does it?

Prohias' art on the gallery walls answers that question. It speaks for itself. But I'm still going to talk. Visually, what did I see while observing said art?

Two enemy Spies. Two pointy-headed figures, unceasingly ripping, tearing, slashing, gouging, and clawing each other. Their lethally savage techniques are considered by many to be evil and cruel. But whom or wham is Prohias' attacking with his ink-stained fists of fury? His art answers this question as well. As will I, yet again, for as long as I have to. Because I'm being paid by the word.

From January, 1961 until now, Prohias' "Spy vs. Spy" has relentlessly memorialized, mocked and deconstructed the Cold War's spurious duality with these two Manichean figures locked in "eternal" combat. One "Spy" wears black clothing, the other "Spy" wears white. Aside from this performative aspect of their costume display (and the intentional self-representation the Spys tacitly communicate via the identity/tribal signifiers explicitly implicit in their respective choice of clothing and/or uniform) these figures could be twins. Ironically, the line work defining these antithetical icons is identical. They are polar(ized) opposites, as different as black and white. Yet each is a mirror image of the other. "Spy vs. Spy" is the official title of Prohias' recurring sequential art feature. Visual statement refutes this textual labeling. The inescapable and ineluctable conclusion? They are truly the same Spy. There is only one Spy. And that Spy is at war with him/herself. Or non-gender-specific self. The brutal and bestial futility of the Spy/Spy's self-self, other-other struggle (and Prohias' parallactic critique of the dualistic-yet-artificial cycles of violence in the Cold War's neverending East-West conflict) repeats and reiterates throughout the artist's transgressive body of work. Deconstructed as murderous slapstick long after Vaudeville's death, Cold War tragedy turns endlessly to farce in the Spy/Spys' ultraviolent, yet anti-heroic, expression of mindless eternal recurrence. These vicious circles are vicious indeed. Prohias also thinks it's funny when the Spy/Spys find cleverly sadistic ways to hurt each other.

—Jackson DeVoe, Visual Art Critic at Large

Wednesday, February 10, 2021

The Duchampian Endgame

Duchamp pointed out that the "fine art" game was a capitalist scam (imposed by critics, academics and other gatekeepers) designed to artificially limit supply and pump up demand in a target market of wealthy art collectors who might as well be speculating in pork belly futures. How good is the art? Who cares? The quality of the art doesn't matter. If it did, art forgery wouldn't be a crime. What counts is the artist's genuine signature! If your signature sells, your work is ergo art, not matter how shitty it is. Hell, a big name artist could sign a toilet and turn it into art! If it sold, the critics wouldn't object. To prove this point, Duchamp signed his name to a toilet. It sold. The critics applauded. Checkmate.

Having proved his point, Duchamp got bored of the art game and spent the rest of his life playing chess.


Saturday, February 6, 2021

Music really was better in the old days.

Tampa Stadium, 1974. David Bowie, was doing his thing. Wailing away at the microphone. Graphic behind the stage of a burned out city. Nuked, like London in "1984." And this was the 1984 tour, so that kind of made sense. 

Feedback, dissonance, screaming crowd. So much for “Diamond Dogs.”

Another feedback squeal. Bowie’s voice.

“Ladies and gentlemen … I sincerely apologize for the technical difficulties.”

Crowd scream.

“We’ll have it sorted out in a minute.”

Crowd scream. 

Then his stomach felt like, you know, like that thing when you’re on a roller coaster? When it drops?

Wait. What? Huh?

Yeah. Like that.

Then a man and a woman were standing behind him. They both kinda looked like David Bowie. Blonde hair, cheekbones, really skinny. Like ... what was the word? Androgynous? Yeah. And wearing these? Silver jump suits with big lapels like that guy in that movie. “The Day the Earth … Something.”

He turned around and looked at the two posers. Like, not out of the corner of his eye? Like, looking at them right in the eye? And then he laughed at them. High out of his mind. As usual.

He had a suspicion. It was so fucking stupid. But he had to ask.

“Are you … Are you guys …”

They both smiled, patiently waiting for him to complete his thought.

“Are you, like, from the future?

“Yes,” the man (or maybe the woman) said. “We are.”

“No shit?”

“No shit,” said the woman (or maybe the man).

“Aw. Aw. Hey …ahhhh. Come on. No, no, no. You’re fucking with me … right?”

“No,” said the whatever. “I assure you, we are not.”

“Uh-huh. So what’s the future look like, then?”

“Like that,” said the other whatever. 

While pointing at the painting of the blasted city behind David Bowie. Who was now doing his level best not to have a fit while a sweaty engineer messed with various wires connected leading from the amplifiers to the massive speaker column.

A cute girl in a sequined, studded REBEL REBEL leather jacket bit her lip and squealed. But he didn’t let it distract him. From the question, right? The question he was going to ask these future people. 

“So, OK,” he said. “Sorry. But … like … Why are you here?”

They both laughed. 

The future person on the left spoke first.

“Logically … If time travel existed, where would the time travelers travel to?”

The future person on the right answered the question.

“To rock concerts,” of course.

“Bowie.”

“Cream.”

“Woodstock.”

“Monterey Pop Festival.”

“Etcetera, etcetera. The menu is long.” 

The guitarist whanged out a chord.

“Well, that’s better.”

“Hang on. No, no. That doesn’t make sense. Don’t you have, like, better music in the future?”

“No,” said the future person on the left. 

“Music in the future sucks,” said the future person on the left.

“Why?”

“Intellectual property …. your primitive mind wouldn’t understand.”

“Fuck you, OK?”

They laughed again. Laughed at him. It pissed him off.

“This is bullshit,” he said. “I know you’re fucking with me. Time travel’s impossible because …”

Think, think, think …

“Because you’d like fuck with history and shit.”

The future people laughed a final time.

“Nah. We’re in a causal bubble, you tit.”

“Once we vanish, you won’t remember a thing.”

Then the future people vanished.

A D-minor chord rattled the cage of his brain. There were more chords to come.

Bowie’s band went into “1984.” The crowd screamed.

And he didn’t remember a thing. 

The Writing Process Made E-Z



Writing, as writers like to write, is re-writing. Here’s a simplified breakdown of the typical steps in the process …

• Bullshit draft.
• Draft that stinks on ice.
• Draft that sucks donkey d**k.
• Draft that merely sucks.
• Draft that sucks slightly less.
• Draft that a late night talk show host could crack-up audience with.
• Lifeless, flat, numbingly boring, sleep-inducing draft.
• Draft that’s slightly less boring, but rotten with errors.
• Accurate draft that starts to read well.
• Accurate draft that sings.
• Draft you suddenly realize you’ve written before.
• Go back to square one …
• Bullshit draft.
• Repeat as often as necessary. 

Monday, February 1, 2021

Dr. Zaius' Lonely Heart's Club Band



Dr. Zaius' Lonely Heart's Club Band

(to the tune of "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band")


It was 7,000 years ago today

Lawgiver taught the apes his way.

“Ape shall not kill ape,” he said.

And that’s the reason we’re all not dead.

So may I introduce to you

The apes you've know for all these years

Dr. Zaius’ Lonely Hearts Club Band.

We're Dr. Zaius’ Lonely Hearts Club Band

We hope you will enjoy the show

Dr. Zaius’ Lonely Hearts Club Band

Please stay out of the Forbidden Zone

Dr. Zaius’ Lonely, Dr. Zaius’ Lonely

Dr. Zaius’ Lonely Hearts Club Band

It's wonderful to be here

It's certainly a thrill

You're such a lovely audience

Please keep the humans off the bus

Tell Charlton Heston to go home.