Wednesday, September 13, 1995

Going my way?

You're a wannabe screenwriter! You want to make it big in Hollywood!

Thus motivated, you launch out on a metaphorical journey across America, speeding away in your MG with your faithful Wife. (played by Jan Hooks) There are obstacles and setbacks. The typical shit you have to deal with on a metaphorical journey -- just ask Pilgrim. This frustrating shit goes on for awhile. It ain't a smooth ride.

So there you are in a SHELL gas station, map unfolded, trying to puzzle out how to reach your destination. An extremely well-dressed fellow (that three-piece back suit probably cost more than your car) notices you, walks over.

SATAN: Hello. Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Satan. Perhaps you've heard of me? But of course you look like someone who works for the entertainment industry. (smiling) Or wants to.

WIFE: I don't know, honey...

SATAN: At any rate, I was wondering if I could have a lift in your car. You are going to LA, aren't you?

YOU: (surprised) Why...why yes. How'd you....

SATAN: Logic. Observation. A creative individual such as yourself. And, most coincidentally, your destination happens to be the same as mine.

YOU: I'm not sure I...

SATAN: Please understand me. I am not asking for charity. I am more than prepared to make it well-worth your while. Take me where you're going, and I shall be more than happy to pay for gas, expenses. It would be a mutually beneficial arrangement for all of us.

He seems so civilized. Your wife is still going "I don't know honey, I don't know..." but you decide that it just mains plain old economic sense. So you let him in.

And it's only a few miles down the road that he's telling you how to drive, where to go, what route to take--in fact, let's change the destination entirely. Now he wants to go to New York, and he's paying, so what the hell.

And it's not long before the question of sexual favors comes up.

SATAN: No need to pull over. (pulling on a balloon-squeaking pair of medical gloves. Well-practiced movements--he has obviously done this before) We can do this in the car...

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