How the hell could Santa Claus be present in so many different malls at once?* How the hell could he deliver Christmas presents to every child in the world (aside from naughty Third World children) in a single night?
Glad you asked.
Here's my scientific explanation ...
One variant of string theory postulated that every electron and positron in our universe is actually a segment of a single N-dimensional hyperstring which cuts in and out of our 4-D bubble of space/time. (The particle is positive or negative, depending on the angle of attack.) I theorize it's the same with Santa. There's actually a single N-dimensional HyperSanta cutting in and out of our universe and manifesting in multiple locations. Krampus is, of course, the AntiSanta — who appears whenever the string intersects at an opposing angle. If Santa and Krampus ever met, our universe would explode. The would, of course, ruin Christmas.
A plausible theory, I think. The premise would also make a great, bad “Star Trek” episode on the original series. Sort of like The Alternative Factor. Except that the episode would end with Santa Claus and Krampus. Hands at each other's throats. Forever locked in agonizing combat in the void between universes.
In our universe, Kirk and Spock would glumly contemplate their fate.
Spock: The universe is saved, captain.
Kirk: Yes. But what of Santa Claus? What of Santa Claus?
* Thanks and a hattip to Michael O'Donnell for reminding me of this question and sparking this bizarre train of thought.
.jpg)
No comments:
Post a Comment